James turned a month old yesterday and in that boring dumb way time does, it both flew by and feels like it's been forever. Which is good, though: if it goes by too fast I'll feel like I missed everything but if it dragged on I'd feel like it was unpleasant. I go back to work on August 10 which means I have just about two months left of leave. I know it's not a time really meant for planning and goals but I'm a natural born list-maker and if I don't feel like I'm crossing things off, I feel like I'm going nuts. Here are the things I want to work on more during the rest of my leave:

Writing: I feel guilty that I haven't been writing here as often and more than guilt, I know that it is not good practice to take too much time off. I also haven't been journaling nor staying up with my column-writing or working on my novel. So now that I've had that month off I hope to write here at least another day a week, and get my Mom.me columns knocked out ahead of time while I can and put in some more time on my book while I have the time, too.

Losing weight: I know it takes time and I'm trying to be patient but I don't want to take as long as it took to lose the baby weight from Paul (nearly a full year.) Mostly this entails trying to limit my alcohol consumption to just a few days a week but it's hard because we have this great backyard and wonderful weather and at the end of the day I frequently want to sit out back with a glass of white wine. I've been pretty active, trying to work out 5 days a week since about 10 days after James was born (usually walking or low-impact workout videos). It's going fine--I think I'm eating better than the last maternity leave, too. I just feel so happy to not be pregnant anymore, I think I want my body to match how I feel.

Being a good mom and wife: It's easy to be a good mom to James because he only really needs three or four things. Paul needs some extra attention and patience these days, though, I think due a to mix of his age (almost three) and the new baby being home. The extra attention isn't too hard: especially on leave it's nice to do little things together like take a walk around the block or a short El ride or have play dates with friends. Patience is harder when he seems arbitrarily uncooperative (like yesterday when he wouldn't put his shoes on for Steve, who was in a hurry, but also wouldn't let Steve put his shoes on for him) or we're both just exhausted. I'm not sure how to manifest the patience per se, especially when we have a goal (go to bed) and Paul is circumventing it, or he's just spoiling for a showdown (being a jerk at mealtime) but in the meantime I am just working on not taking it personally or feeling guilty when we are cross with each other and remembering that this is all extremely normal. I told a friend yesterday, "All I want is for him to be happy all the time!" and articulating how unrealistic that is actually helps. It's just parenthood/life. In the meantime sometimes I just get worn down/snappish and I take it out on Steve. It's not like it was last time with Paul--if anything, I think this maternity leave has been so comparatively gentle that when there is tension, it is more of a surprise--but still, I'm trying to be more proactive about not getting too tired (see below) and not getting high-voicey (code for "shrill" in this house) when I'm on my last nerve. I know Steve is doing the same--sometimes too much. I've told him that counterintuitively, I feel worse when he tells me he's just trying to stay out of my way, because I then feel like everything would be great if it weren't for me and my moods (I know he doesn't mean it like that, though.)

Resting (and reading and relaxing): I'm glad when Steve is home and around because he forces me to sit down and relax. Sometimes it actually takes some coaxing because I have a hard time making myself watch a movie when I know the dishwasher needs to be unloaded or more laundry needs to be folded. Also, I don't have as much energy as I want to, yet. Yesterday morning I went on a long speedwalk with a friend and I was wiped all day, so I need to stock up on my energy now when I have the time (especially because, like a 3-year-old, I get really unpleasant these days when I'm overtired.) I don't want this leave to go by and feel like I never took the time to read or watch TV or enjoy a quiet day the way I certainly won't be able to once I'm a working mom again.