Sometimes it's like Gwyneth Paltrow and I aren't even on the same page...

Theory Fanny Pack
I refuse to accept the return of fanny packs or purse backpacks.

MOMA travel adapter with USB Ports
Bump charger
MOMA branch earphone splitter
Why don't you just get me a bunch of AA batteries while you're at it.

Vacation jewelry case
Because who has ever needed one of these? They just take up room and then you forget to bring it when you travel.


Beach blanket
Gifts that merely contain the promise of a picnic are ultimately just a future chore,  a mental burden as you are obligated to find a place for your picnic paraphrenalia and the ability to remember that you have it, when you need it.

Travel backgammon case
I have never met an alive person who plays backgammon

Customized linked rings or a locket
I have a phone that holds hundreds of pictures, and also, most jewelry that is about your children is not nearly as attractive as jewelry that has nothing to do with children.

Backgammon etc.jpg

Hermes binoculars
You spent $10,000 on me at Hermes and it was on binoculars?

A monogrammed accent pillow.
Call me ungrateful but a pillow that you put on the floor before you go to bed is not what I dream of--even if it does have my name on it. 

A new bike and clothes to wear when you ride them.
I already have a bike and, don't be mad at me, I don't really like bike-riding. Sorry.


Gwyneth Paltrow's cookbook and accompanying spices
Why would I want to eat the food of a woman who picks out so many gifts I disdain?