Buddha pants 2020

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This morning I woke up to a text from my friend Tracy, who sent me this image and the message, "Wait, what?"

I had no recollection of covering or endorsing Buddha pants on this site but a quick Google revealed that had, in 2013, but in a meta, snarky manner:

Yesterday I received an email offer about a sale on Buddha Pants. These are "The pants that make you dance," the "pant that packs into its own pocket," the pants that come in two unisex sizes. The pants that look like this:

I was enraged and confused when I got this email. How on earth did I get on a list that thinks I'm the kind of person who wears Buddha pants? In what universe am I either a skateboarding girl with pink hair or Justin Bieber? And why do you need pants that tuck into their own pocket anyway? I quickly sent a strongly-worded "unsubscribe" email the moment I received the sale notice.

But by the light of the morning, I realize. Maybe what I was truly sensing was fear. I think, secretly, what I want more than anything this chubby, cold, cranky December is a pair of pants that looks like some bedsheets, and if I put them on, I will never take them off. I must stay vigilant.

"Don't hate me: I may buy a pair," Tracy texted me about the pants. "A friend has some she sleeps in and says they're oh so comfy." I told her the 2020 version of me could never fault a comfy pants purchase. The 2013 me who wrote that post is so different from me now. Since 2013 I: 

  • Moved to the suburbs
  • Had a second child
  • Quit my day job and became a full time freelancer
  • Survived, thus far, a global pandemic
  • Became a CSA member and composter 
  • Become a recluse and homeschooler

When I saw Tracy's text, I briefly contemplated contacting Buddha Pants and letting them know it was a bit of a stretch to say that that writeup merited an "As seen on," but technically they had done nothing wrong. And in fact, maybe I actually am a Buddha Pants person by this point and I don't even know it? I think my only complaint really right now is, where are my free Buddha Pants?!