Anyway for those who pop by this site from time to time or still get the very occasional new posts in your feed, I wanted to highlight the semi-regular projects I've been working on lately:

Not Right Now podcast: Quinn Emmett, founder, writer, and host of the site/podcast Important, Not Important, and I launched this semi-weekly podcast last year to hash through what it's like to raise children during these unquiet times. In fact, we won a Signal Award for best podcast in the Family and Child-Raising category. I hear a lot of nice things from people who enjoy and get a hoot out of our talks; we often bring on guests to address issues like nutrition, death, ADHD, public health and other expertise (while we also get them to admit the parenting fails and frustrations they face while doing what they do.) You can listen to individual episodes on the site or subscribe via your preferred podcasting medium. You can also find videos of the podcasts on YouTube and social media, but honestly, I can live without people looking at videos of me talking with a moving face. If you like the pod, maybe write us a nice review! 

Evil Witches newsletter and community: Shortly after my second kid was born I started a social media group for moms I a.) could trust with my meanest, most irreverent, least topical and most vulnerable parts of family life and b.) who I thought would enjoy knowing each other. I eventually grew the group into a newsletter for "People who happen to be mothers." It's not for everybody but it's also not exclusively for mothers either -- whenever a childless woman or a dad lets me know they appreciate it I feel like I've achieved my goal of creating a parenting publication that transcends what I saw as the issue of catering to an audience of people who don't think about much other than how to be an optimal mom.  The newsletter is mostly free, but you can become a paid subscriber to support me/the work. 

Raising Evanston newsletter: Last year the editors of our local independent newspaper, the Evanston RoundTable, asked me if I'd be interesting in developing and writing/editing a weekly newsletter geared at families in Evanston, IL, where I live and grew up. I hadn't joined a team since I started my last day job in 2013 so it was a bit of an adjustment to learn things like who does what, how to use the CMS, how to find photos, how to avoid pissing off the photo department by accidentally including an AI image (I should have known an image of a bunch of beautiful multicultural kids all holding tiny guitars and mandolines was too good to be true). But not only have I found my groove (I like to think) it's been great to have an official reason to talk more to people in my town, learn more about what's available here to families and appreciate what concerns and delights them. Plus I got to march with them in the July 4th parade right behind the Jesse White Tumblers which, if you're from Illinois, you know is a big deal, parade-wise. Give it a subscribe if you're in town or pass it along to any current/incoming Evanston families you know. 

Inbox Collective editing: Inbox Collective is a consultancy that helps brands grow audiences, build relationships, and get results via email. Run by veteran newsletter creator Dan Oshinsky (Buzzfeed, The New Yorker), I am the managing editor of the Inbox Collective newsletter, which gives me the opportunity to learn a lot more about the newsletter field and speak with some really cool folks from around the world who also make their careers communicating this way. As someone who used to get a little thrill every time an email showed up back when email was a nascent thing, it feels like a lucky full circle moment to get paid to explore the topics, questions, concerns and success stories from people in this field. Subscribe to the newsletter if you care about email publishing at all (or communications in 2026 basically) and/or hit up Dan if you want some help with your strategy. 

Freelancing! I am pitching less than I used to since I'm so busy with regular work, but I still love taking one-off assignments, especially if they're in the realm of alumni/academic publications, culture and branded content/corporate bio type things. You can email me at clairezulkey at gmail.com if you ever have questions about rates or availability. Not to brag, but I'm still pretty good at getting, sometimes even responding to, email.

The freelance writing resource Study Hall asked its members to look back and select a favorite publication from the last year and I was glad for the prompt since it reminded me of the stuff I did do instead of focusing on what's coming up.

This year I decided to try to chase freelance assignments less aggressively because our kids get home a lot earlier than they used to at their former school and I just wanted to be real about my time. But somehow I ended up having my best freelancing year ever, financially -- a nice bonus for my bank account but also a valuable lesson in quality over quantity. 

Here were some of my favorite stories I pubbed this year:

Loyola Today: 5 little-known facts about Millennium Park from a Loyola history professor
My husband and I were at the opening of Chicago's Millennium Park in 2000, a Chicago landmark that already feels timeless, so it was really interesting to learn about its history from professor Tim Gilfoyle. And the assignment was a nice prompt for me to take the boys there for a picnic over summer break (pictured above!) where they had a great time running through Crown fountain in their clothes. 

Loyola Today: Breaking down the science of savoring summer joy
Professor Fred Bryant is an expert in the art and science of savoring, or making happy memories last longer and make a deeper impact. I got some useful tips from him and at the end of our conversation I asked him "What's something you savored lately?" and he said "This conversation!" which was very charming.  We talked a lot about parenting as well, so I used part of our conversation for a newsletter issue on how you can savor your good times with your kids more but it won't negate the bittersweetness of time passing. 

Harvard Magazine:  From Law Books to Cookbooks: Nisha Vora's vegan journey.
I took the time to make and try several of vegan influencer Nisha Vora's recipes from her new cookbook and it was nice to try something new with a story (I'm not a vegan.) She was a lovely, accommodating interview subject and I enjoyed getting to know her, plus it's Harvard so it paid pretty well, which never hurts when you're on the clock squeezing water out of tofu.

Strategist: The Ugliest Machine Alive Solved My Night Sweats
This was my first story for New York Magazine's Strategist and it's about a product that I truly stand behind. Lots of women my age (and people not my age!) deal with night sweats and I want them to know there is a solution out there that doesn't involve them taking a medication or feeling like they need to change their whole lifestyle.

Northwestern Pritzker School of Law: A Case of Love: An Engagement Story in the Classroom
Sometimes the stuff I cover for law schools can be a bit dry, so it was a delight to tell this story of a marriage proposal that occurred in a Northwestern law school classroom. Even though this grand gesture took place in the early '90's, Professor Len Rubinowitz remembered it with mirth and great detail so it wasn't just a fun story to write, it was easy too. 

Yale: A Yale journey marked by scrums, crowns, and a life-changing polar plunge
This is my second time interviewing a graduating senior for Yale magazine. These kids are so impressive and dedicated to their school and there's so much to talk to them about. In this case Olivia Sally was a rugby player, a beauty pageant contestant, and an intern to Kamala Harris. It gives me hope to talk to these future leaders!  

Northwestern School of Communications: A half-century of "not being Waa-Mu"
I got to attend the 50th anniversary of Mee-Ow, Northwestern University's improv show that has launched many a famous performer, including Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Ana Gasteyer, Kristen Schaal, and Dermot Mulroney. Having taken part in a formative live student-run comedy series in my youth it wasn't a surprise to see so many middle aged people get right back into the vibe and spirit of a semi-anarchic "Let's put on our own show!" experience. Many of these folks are still nursing comedy-related grudges from college! I can identify. Also the actor Richard Kind was there just to see his old buddies and I asked him for a quote and I'm happy to say his last name applies!

Inbox Collective:
I'm lucky to get to cover the business of newsletters with/for Dan Oshinsky which is useful to me as a newsletter writer, provides fascinating opportunities to learn about how they are published around the world, and lets me get in touch with others who do this same often-lonely gig. These were some of my favorites from this year:

• How I Named My Newsletter
  

• The Best Piece of Advice I Ever Got About Newsletters

• From Private Dinners to Epic Conferences: A Guide to Throwing an Event for Your Newsletter Readers

• What Should I Do Next With My Newsletter? A Conversation With Claire Zulkey

• One Newsletter I Always Make Time to Read 

• Finding Sanity While Building a Newsletter: A Conversation With Indian Creator Tanmoy Goswami

Evil Witches: My parenting newsletter, where I do most of my former blog-type writing, had a lot of good issues this year if I say so myself, even though I declared I was going to pull back in my frequency. Here was my rundown of my faves there.

Anyway if you're reading this and are someone who might need my services, drop me a line at clairezulkey at gmail.com to talk more. And if you're just an old Zulkey.com friend from the past years, just sending you a friendly wave across the internet!

2023 was an interesting year because it was a huge rebound from COVID and maybe my best financial year to date as a freelancer. However not all that work was interesting, fun or easy, of course. I quit one assignment and received a few emails I let get under my skin. And while it was lucky I got so much work I had less time per week to get it done: my kids switched schools, each were doing different sports, and the days of regularly relying on aftercare until 5, 6 PM were in the past. So many days I aspired to be done working at 3 and very rarely succeeded.

What helped me get it all done is that quite a bit of the extra work was good work. These are some of the bright spots from a busy year as a freelancer:

Inbox Collective: I became aware of Dan Oshinsky as a newsletter expert via the Study Hall newsletter and sat in on a Zoom class he did on newsletter best practices. I saw that he was hiring a new part-time managing editor and I introduced myself--it helped that I had worked with his outgoing editor a few times on things so I wasn't totally out of left field. I got the job as Inbox Collective's managing editor writing, research and proofing stories about newsletters and the people/tools/best practices that go into sending effective ones. This is useful to me as a newsletter writer. Dan has been very easy to work with and pays me a nice hourly salary so that's been a good new income source this year. 

Evil Witches: Evil Witches is my Substack newsletter/community that I run. I ran my own best-of issue here. As a client the newsletter netted me $38,700 this year. That roughly paid out to about $160 per hour so that's quite good although I know I think about the newsletter and do work that's not quite billable for it a lot more than that so it is probably quite a bit lower. I enjoy the work, it can stress me out, and I do not aspire for it to be my lone income source. 

Evanston Roundtable: During COVID I decided I wouldn't pitch stories anymore; I didn't want to spend time pre-researching a story that I might sell. I made an exception, sort of, in this case. The Mexican Shop is a delightful, fascinating shop in my home town that I wondered about for decades. I had dreams about it. Last year on a whim, while in line at a store I emailed the editor of this local publication and said basically "Hey can I do a profile on the Mexican Shop? Here are my clips."

I wish I was as interested in every assignment as I was in this one. I was doing it for myself more than for the pay or for the byline. I took my time interviewing the shop's owner and prior employees, friends of mine who'd also grown up going to the store. In the end I think I earned nothing on the piece since I got a $50 and paid to have my interview with the owner transcribed. But I don't care, it was just fun to answer the questions I always had about how this shop ran and to publish a love letter to it. 

Yale: This gig was so easy and pleasant to get and work on. I sent a letter of introduction to the Yale editor. We had a conversation about my experience and availability. He gave me the assignment to profile a student, just a one-on-one interview. I chatted with her and she was lovely and impressive. The piece was published with minimal edits or drama and I got paid. Now I have a new Ivy League client on my list. Simple and satisfying.  

Chicago Health: This was a pretty straightforward piece about sleep health. For it I interviewed my old friends Wendy and Chris because they both have CPAP machines. They both were honest and funny and gave really good quotes. It was just really enjoyable to do a double-interview and have it turn up a lot of gold on a topic that is so everyday as sleep. 

Better Magazine: A friend introduced me to an editor who needed a writer. They have paid me well for local work that included going to see an awesome play close to me. A win-win I don't normally get: decent pay to enjoy and support local indie arts.

The Gates Foundation: Their newsletter team asked me to consult with them for an hour on things I've learned through Evil Witches and Inbox Collective and I threw in, to make myself feel more legitimate, my experiences working in university development. I was nervous I would feel like a lightweight but I realized I did have some things to share. It was the highest paid hour I've ever worked, as well. Your turn, Jeff Bezos! 

Anyway, I wish I had more exact control over my workflow but the work got done even if more of it had to wait til my 11 year old finished his work late into the night. I'm grateful though this year was a year for picking up more regular/semipermanent clients, that I was able to recover from the COVID slump, and that I had a good mix of clients so that I always had something well-paying or fascinating or honorable to balance out the projects that were not so much those things.

Here's hoping for some good opportunities for us all in 2024!

A few months ago an editor from Loyola University's alumni magazine asked if I'd be available to contribute to their alumni magazine and gave me a selection of stories from which to choose. I selected one on how Loyola Stands Against Gun Violence works to address gun violence nationally and in Maywood, where the university's medical center is located. As a regular donor to Everytown, this story was of special interest to me. 

When I first began my foray into freelancing, I used to say that I wasn't a "real" journalist. I have friends who attended journalism school, who worked for the AP, who toiled for daily newspapers. It was always cool to visit my friends in New Orleans and see my buddy Rich's byline in the Times-Picayune on the front page, above the fold when we stayed with them. I didn't get the training many "real" journalists got in terms of breaking news, covering city council meetings, listening in on the police scanner, things like that. I happily chose a world of puffy features, things like a profile of a high-end stationery company or how a wedding designer created the perfect centerpiece for his rich clients. The most breaking news I often covered was who got kicked off American Idol each week. 

I got my first actual full-time writing job at the University of Chicago in 2012 (instead of freelancing on the side when I could grab the time from my previous assistant job). The work was by and large similar profile and feature work, until one day my boss assigned me a gig for the social sciences newsletter profiling Lars Peter Hansen, who had just won the Nobel Prize for macroeconomics. Ummm...a Nobel Prize winner? In economics? I could barely explain what regular economics was, let alone MACRO-economics. I nervously suggested that perhaps we should get a freelancer who actually knew what they were doing to do the job. "You can do it," she told me. "You don't have to learn everything about macroeconomics. Just report until you know what questions to ask"

I got to Googling and figured out my angle about what made Dr. Hansen and his work noteworthy from a social sciences perspective. He was, happily, a nice guy who didn't give me hell for asking questions (in fact I interviewed him again, later, for another story. He's the nicest, not to mention only, Nobel Prize winner I've ever had coffee with.) 

Anyway, I got to work on this gun violence story and began to feel that old familiar impostor syndrome again. I had covered trauma-informed care before, but not something as broad as this, something that basically everyone in America has strong opinions about, coming from very different angles, something that is in the news every day. On an oppressively cloudy day when I did a Zoom call with Maywood's police chief, incoming mayor, and business community liaison, I thought, how in the hell am I going to make this a story? The topic seemed so overreaching, never-ending, crushing, misunderstood. How did these men show up to work every day with optimism? How, during a pandemic, was I going to Zoom my way from Evanston and tell a cogent story, one that captured all the nuances in a way that was uplifting enough to make the readers support Loyola Stands in a realistic, non-Pollyanna way that also avoided tropes about depressed neighborhoods and marginalized folks? 

I did what my old boss told me to do--I reported until I figured the angles out. Speaking with a law professor gave me a perspective that I never had before on social justice issues and gun violence. The group told me about the connection between economic opportunity and reducing violence. I had a long, sad, but also deeply enjoyable conversation with the medical center's chaplain, who happens to be a member of the group. I realized he was my lead--his work captured the group's efforts and the human side to the work. 

Here is the final story. I'm not saying it's an award-winning piece or anything but I look back at where I came from earlier in my career and how afraid I was to touch "real" news and how reluctant I was to call myself a reporter because I didn't have a long skinny notebook or know how to write quickly on command or get tips or show up at the scene of a crime. I'm not a reporter, but I know how to report. And I learned a lot more about gun violence than I did beforehand, how much more nuance there is to it and, as my legal source said, how people on one side of the issue are so unwilling to hear anything that doesn't align with their own views. 

***

I wrote this "behind the music" on the gun violence piece days before I published an essay with The Cut on a much less serious issue, but the same approach applied. My editor asked me to write about how refreshing it is when beauty influencers are honest about getting plastic surgery and Botox. I agreed with the premise and wanted to work on the story, except there was just one thing--I don't really follow influencers! It's just not how I read the internet, or how I shop, or how I follow people. I like to obsess over people and envy them in a more old-fashioned way. So, again, I reported my way into the assignment, starting with a Chicago influencer who made news not long ago for posting about her botched Botox, chatting with a plastic surgeon friend, a friend who happens to be an influencer, and interviewing a woman who is writing a book about influencers and seeing where that got me until I figured out what I had to say and what else to explore, even if I am not super-fluent in influencer.

I'm really grateful for that mentor who taught me that you don't have to be an All The President's Men type reporter to know how to dig into a story. 

With the exception of Salmaan Choudri, whom I read about in the newspaper, the other sources were women I knew already. I enjoyed the angle of getting to speak with them about their health conditions, how it affected their lives and careers, and how they defined it within their lives, and then doing the work of telling their story in a short piece.

Here were the pieces I posted on Folks if you just want to read some profiles about interesting people.

• The Goddess with the Blood Red Eyes:  If a rare disease steals your eyesight, you might as well drink good wine. (Written about Diana Hamann, owner of the Wine Goddess in Evanston, and the shots she got in her eyeballs.)
  
  
• Putting A Face To America's Ableism Born with facial paralysis, the work of author, feminist, and public speaker Sarah Hollenbeck strives to get America to address the uncomfortable truth of its prejudices (about another local businesswoman, this one the co-owner of Women and Children First in Chicago.)
  
  
• Agent Lupus in the FBI:  As an FBI agent, Shahna Richman was trained to handle everything from bank robbers to serial killers, but it never prepared her for lupus. (About my friend and neighbor Shahna, who has had an extremely fascinating career and is reassuring proof that there are good guys out there.)
  
  
• Putting A Funny Face On Crohn's Disease   --  Samantha Irby has made a career out of being witty about the unmentionable: what happens when you have problems on the toilet. Samantha has been interviewed a number of times (including by me), so it was interesting to hone in on her Crohn's, which has figured a lot in her writing.  
  
  
• Daredevil   -- This blind athlete loves being noticed.  I went to the library and looked up back copies of my local paper, searching for story ideas, when I learned about the Salmaan Choudhri and the Chicago Blackhawks Blind Hockey Team. I found him online, reached out to ask if he'd be willing to be interviewed and he did and here it is.  

I had no recollection of covering or endorsing Buddha pants on this site but a quick Google revealed that I  had, in 2013, but in a meta, snarky manner:

Yesterday I received an email offer about a sale on  Buddha Pants. These are "The pants that make you dance," the "pant that packs into its own pocket," the pants that come in two unisex sizes. The pants that look like this:

I was enraged and confused when I got this email. How on earth did I get on a list that thinks I'm the kind of person who wears Buddha pants? In what universe am I either a skateboarding girl with pink hair  or  Justin Bieber? And why do you need pants that tuck into their own pocket anyway? I quickly sent a strongly-worded "unsubscribe" email the moment I received the sale notice.

But by the light of the morning, I realize. Maybe what I was truly sensing was fear. I think, secretly, what I want more than anything this chubby, cold, cranky December  is  a pair of pants that looks like some bedsheets, and if I put them on, I will never take them off. I must stay vigilant.

"Don't hate me: I may buy a pair," Tracy texted me about the pants. "A friend has some she sleeps in and says they're oh so comfy." I told her the 2020 version of me could never fault a comfy pants purchase. The 2013 me who wrote that post is so different from me now. Since 2013 I:  

• Moved to the suburbs
• Had a second child
• Quit my day job and became a full time freelancer
• Survived, thus far, a global pandemic
• Became a CSA member and composter  
• Become a recluse and homeschooler

When I saw Tracy's text, I briefly contemplated contacting Buddha Pants and letting them know it was a bit of a stretch to say that that writeup merited an "As seen on," but technically they had done nothing wrong. And in fact, maybe I actually am a Buddha Pants person by this point and I don't even know it? I think my only complaint really right now is, where are my free Buddha Pants?!  

via GIPHY

Just in case somebody exclusively gets their Funny Ha-Ha updates through my website:

We are going to postpone tomorrow night's Funny Ha-Ha to Friday, June 12. The news and recommendations are changing so quickly and anxiety is high and thus I made that call out of an abundance of caution (and not wanting people to feel freaked about hanging out in a crowded room.)  

I still exist in real life and I continue to read, perform and produce--sometimes, anyway--in Chicagoland! And I hope you come see me. On Saturday the 29th at 7 PM I'll be returning to join the Kates, an all-lady night of hilarious standup comedy, storytelling, and my case, probably reading nervously from a piece of paper. Come see me at the wonderful Book Cellar alongside  Joyce Hagen-McIntosh, Annie Russell, Mary DeMan, Lauren Hooberman, Tocarra Mallard, Kyna Lenhof, Kristal Adams, and host Soli Santos.

Then, on Friday the 13th at the ALSO-wonderful Hideout, I'll be hosting Funny Ha-Ha-Friday the 13th (clever title.) Info below, and you can buy tix here!  

via GIPHY

January is a tough month for freelancers, at least, specifically, for me. I feel like a sandwich in a panini press: thin on the inside, financially, but feeling the pressure externally. I'm not sure that's a great metaphor but it's still dark out as I write this and I haven't finished my first cup of coffee.  

A friend of mine, who used to work for herself, was asked recently to come onboard a company for a full time job. Freelancers often dream about having a major retainer, to guarantee income and to reduce the amount of marketing time--this is the uber-retainer. She was anxious about returning to the working world, and it made me ponder whether I would return to the 9-5 world for the right opportunity. Here are the pros and cons of each situation, from my perspective thus far:

Pros of working for myself:

• No commute. I used to drive as much as an hour each way to work. I didn't think this would be a big deal but it really affected my mood and how I approached (literally) my job. My back hurt from all the sitting, I would get ragey if a car was stalled on Lake Shore Drive (done purposefully to bother ME!), by the winter glare reflecting off the road into my eyes, by the windshield fluid running out due to February road salt. I had a garage parking spot which is ostensibly convenient but I actually missed my old bus ride, where I could see people and zone out. Going directly from house, to office, and back felt like I was in a hamster tube. Getting that time back to myself was huge. I still feel a sense of "Boy, I'm glad that's not me," when I hear that traffic on LSD is a disaster, and it's been nearly 5 years since I last had a commute.  
• No meetings. Did I realize how much I hated meetings until I stopped having to go to them? I'm not sure. All I can say is, damn, I love not going to meetings.  
• Time to exercise every day.  I used to leave the house before 7 so I could work out at LA Fitness before heading into the office, showering and getting dressed in the locker room, arriving to work sort of clean yet also sweaty from the shower and blow drying my hair. If I forgot a sports bra or a regular bra or my running shoes, then everything was a waste. Now, after the kids are dropped off, I either work out in the basement while watching something like  RuPaul's Drag Race  or  America's Next Top Model,  with no shoes or socks or even sometimes a shirt on (I would never do this at L.A. Fitness), or I go for a run around my neighborhood or down to the lake. I shower and start the day on my own pace. This is as much of my routine now as eating or brushing my teeth and I would have a hard time surrenduring that.  
• A healthier relationship with food. When I worked at an office, food was a distraction/reward. People brought in  pÄ…czki for Fat Tuesday, food towers for Christmas, catered lunch for meetings and I either ate it or obsessed over how I was not eating it. At home, I don't snack or eat the same way and if I need a distraction I have  plenty. I still love food and am always thinking at least one meal ahead, but I no longer drift around, looking for something unhealthy to scam or worrying over whether I should skip the healthy lunch I brought in and go eat out.  
• Being my own boss.  I'm a pretty good boss I think. I gave myself permission, for instance, last week to see  Little Women  on a Friday afternoon with my mom. When I think of the liberty of working for myself, nothing encapsulates it more than seeing a movie during the day.  
• Morning time with the kids. This is funny because on the ground, after many years, this doesn't feel like 'fun' per se--the daily yelling to get your shoes and coat on, the breakfast dishes left on the counter, but at the same time, if you have to choose, morning little kids are better than tired out end-of-day kids. I missed seeing my children in the morning when I used to leave before they'd wake up.
• Time to do housework and errands. I don't have to cram these into my lunch hour like I used to, or on the weekends. However, this is a double-edged sword (see below).
• More money. So far. I have actually out-earned what I made at my dayjob and aside from a dip one year, have earned more year after year. This does not come part and parcel with freelancing, though, but it has been validating.
• Going to Trader Joe's during school hours. You know what I'm talking about. #tinyshoppingcarts
• Bigger, wilder projects: Last year I turned on my paid subscription newsletter. I helped a cannabis company file their Illinois license. I wrote and submitted a book proposal. I started selling my pitch packet. I haaaaate taking on new projects because they make me so anxious and yet I always say yes and I never regret it. These were the kinds of things I was relieved to have a reason to turn down when I worked full time.  
• Taking less shit. I fired my first client a few years ago because, being a full timer in the market place, I now know my value. I think if I were part-time freelancing the way I did when I had a dayjob, I'd be more grateful, say yes to unreasonable requests or bad pay more, let the scope of projects creep more without complaining.  

The cons:

• Irregular income and out of pocket insurance.  This is so stressful, even with the various safety net privileges we have in place (I.E. parents who could help us out if we needed it.) I currently have over $17,000 in invoices due to me. Can you imagine if your full time employer was holding onto that much money? It was also a lot less painful to have my insurance money taken out of my paycheck, plus, my last two employers were major universities and they have primo insurance. I haven't been to see a GP in a few years because after paying $hitloads for things like my kids' teeth cleanings, I'm like, I feel healthy. Maybe they will take my blood at my gynecologist's office, where I am the only patient, I suspect, who does not speak Ukrainian. Plus, when I had jury duty last year, I did not get time off from that, and wouldn't either if I had to take medical or bereavement leave.  
• It's never enough. This is how I feel right now. In order to combat the January dry spells, all the freelance publications and networks I subscribe to are offering various pitching and marketing challenges. These have worked well for me in the past but for whatever reason, this year they're not reacting well with my mindset. I feel guilty for not doing more, resentful of people who brag about their successes, and helpless, because I get the impression that I could be earning so much more money if I just put my mind to it. Meanwhile this mental setting has obliterated all the pros I listed above. Instead of of focusing on how great it is that I spend more time with my mom, or working out, or my kids, I often feel like I'm not using my time well and am not as serious as I should be.  
• It's lonely. I'm working on this more in 2020, actively making plans with colleague/friends to get out of the house. I'm a weird combination of introvert/extrovert (I mean, aren't we all?) On the one hand, I get to stay home all day in my cozy house and not deal with people. Yet whenever I go downtown or ride the bus or El, I marvel at all the faces, all the lives right in front of me. I didn't realize how much I crave seeing faces aside from the people I live with or the people at school dropoff.  
• Being my own boss.  Yes, I put this above as a pro, too. While I like not having performance evaluations or being told I have to track my time, sometimes life is just easier when someone tells you what to do. It's a little terrifying sometimes to know that if I wanted to I could just go crawl into bed and watch TV all day if I wanted to.  
• I miss work clothes? I used to have cute work clothes and paired my shoes and my bag and and jewelry with my outfits. I don't miss the higher dry cleaning bills and the piles of clothes from changing in and out every day. But there is a whole community of people who only see me in exercise clothes or jeans and express surprise if they see me in a dress or something fitted. I used to look like that all the time. There is, of course, the school of thought that I could just dress for work every day even if I'm at home, but I'm not gonna do that.  
• Cooking or not cooking. Weirdly I used to prioritize making family dinner more when I worked outside the office, because I felt bad for not being home and thought I needed to do it. I maybe cook a family meal now 3 times a week, if that (last night my husband gave the kids nuked frozen pancakes for dinner; nobody was sad.) It takes time to plan meals, go shopping, prep, cook, wash, and I rarely prioritize that now. I suspect I expose my kids to fewer new foods than other parents do, and we rely a lot on premade meals or repetitive stuff like chili or pasta. My cooking skills and joy have definitely atrophied over time.  
• Being on-call for the kids/home (see above).  I know parents who work outside the home feel guilty about not being able to pick up their sick kids right away, or can't attend as many school functions or pitching in with community stuff. However it's hard to put up guardrails around work time and family/home time. When I had a direct manager, I could say "My kid is sick; I'm going home" and everyone knew I was out for the day. When you work for yourself you work for many bosses (including yourself) and you can't tell them all that you're off for the day. The same thing happens with school stuff: I know I will never regret chaperoning or helping with a class party, but it's hard not to think of the work I  could  be doing during those times. I got roped into our school fundraiser this year again and while I was complaining about overload, another freelancer said "You can say no. You are in control." I suppose that's the case but to what end? My time is more valuable than other parents'? I am fine with not being helpful? (I do think after this year I'll ask for a year or two off, though.) Similarly, I have to decide every day: am I okay with living in a messy-ass house? Can I wait to take care of my chores until the day is done when I'm tired? Do I want to deal with going to the Verizon store on a weekend when it will be packet, or do I take time out of the workday on a Tuesday?  

The equation of being a full time freelancer is a very complicated one and it's really easy to get sucked into various measures of what is or isn't success. A few days ago I was really ground down, rather than inspired, by everyone's big work plans for 2020, feeling like I'd never be able to dive in like everybody else, unwilling or unable to set concrete goals and a path to them (my goals are usually more like ("Last year was good; let's hope next year's is also good, maybe even a little bit better.") Writing this all out helped me see the bigger picture. Weirdly, the thing I realized I feel most grateful for right now, this second, is not my freedom, my ambition, my financial success or my famiy time, but my ability to exercise every day. So now I'm going to go for a run.  

via GIPHY

I'm glad I said it out loud because maybe that helped make it happen. After working on a story about Basecamp for  Entrepreneur I got the idea to "sell your byproduct" and created and started selling my pitch packet (which you should buy!) I moved my newsletter, Evil Witches, to a paid platform. That has been a constant experiment--working on something I know is not for everybody and that's okay, and asking money for it, and both things have been good for me. I wrote an issue about anger that I actually think helped me with my kids. Finding both my structure for the newsletter but also leaving it very open-ended (I might end it after a year or two, who knows! And that's okay!) were rewarding experiences.  

I got a couple of work opportunities that I'm not allowed to talk about, which is annoying! But all I can say is that they each involved someone asking me to work with them on a project I've never done the likes of before and I said "yes" because for some reason they think I can do it, and who am I to judge? These projects have much longer timelines and higher fees than most prior projects. They involve getting to know topics previously unknown to me. Ultimately towards the last quarter of the year I began working more on projects instead of assignments and I like the pace of that better.  

Financially, amazingly, this all led to a good year, so I'm grateful that I got to stretch and try new things and that it actually paid off.  

So, thank you to Kelly and to her bracelet. I guess for 2020 my phrase would be GROW MORE.  

And good news for people who love Wendy McClure:

Funny Ha-Ha, Chicago's favorite humor reading series benefitting a dog-oriented childhood literacy program is back! And guess what--I just did the math and the show turned 15 this year and I forgot to mark it. Time flies, kids.  

Funny Ha-Ha: Ride or Die
Friday, December 20, 6:30-8 PM  
The Hideout: 1354 W. Wabansia. Chicago.

Featuring readings and performances by:

• Creative writer and weirdo  Hassan S. Ali
• Standup comic and She's Crafter member  Amy Sumpter
• Curator of Outspoken!: LGBTQ storytelling at Sidetrack  Archy Jamjun
• Writer and storyteller  Jitesh Jaggi  
• Children's Book Editor, Grown-Up Book Author  Wendy McClure
• "How to be a Stalker" writer and Comedy Central writer  Erica Nicole Clark
• Man with a camera  Steve Delahoyde

I do have this other newsletter project I'm working on. How is it different frm this site? Well, for one important big thing, it's earning me money--not a gigantic amount but an amount that makes it worth it. This site has gotten me a lot of tangential work but aside from an ad network that went defunct and a couple sponsored posts I didn't make money from this site. So that makes it worth the time and effort.  

But paradoxically I don't want everyone to read the newsletter. It's not for everyone. The subject matter isn't going to be interesting to everyone and the tone and point of view are not going to be to everyone's taste. It's opt-in. This is very different from the time I had my husband make the world's worst Paris Hilton parody and Gawker picked it up and I watched with excitement and amazement as my traffic numbers ran up.  

On to non-newsletter writing: I wrote this piece for Vice called  I'm Not a Child Molester: I Just Play One On TV. I came up with that headline and I think it's pretty self-explanatory. I honestly yearned for this story to be killed at times because my editor pushed me to explore pedophilia and society/culture in a way I didn't intend to at first and it just made me feel very strange to research that, even though my research was on the academic and cultural side (there was a story on actual perpetrators of child sexual assault in the  New York Times  this weekend that made me sick and so sad for the reporters who did the important work.) The piece grew as we pursued other question and I was like "Does this thing we're exploring make sense?"  

But the piece got born. I did my best to marry pop culture with real culture and did some pretty interesting interviews along the way (character Dylan Baker was a joy to speak with; he misses  Philip Seymour Hoffman a lot). I was worried about being flamed for somehow enabling child sexual assault but so far people seemed to see the question I was trying to answer. My old friend Lindsay even referred to the piece as "longform" and I can't tell you how exciting that is for me. I always wanted to be a longform writer when I grew up.  

Here is a list of some of the most interesting occupations of people I've been assigned to write about:  

Bedbug sniffing dog company owner

Nobel prize winner

Nun

SNL cast member

Syndicated advice columnist

Lung cancer doctor

Women's sex doctor

Chicago Cubs nutritionist

TV show costumer

Wine expert

Feminist bookstore owner

Sleep doctor

Pupeteer, balloon artist, lizard guy

Brand marketeting director at Cadillac

Organization expert

Raptor center founder

Syndicated radio show hosts (take your pick)

Rare book collectors

Time travel romance author

Rabbi

Reality show mentor

TV show host  (take your pick)  

Grocery store chain owner

Weather expert  

HIV doctor

Stuntman/inventor

Concussion specialist

Ballerina

Paralympic goalball player

Choreographer

Genealogy expert

All this is a big part of why I like my job--I get to be as pushy and nosy as I want to be.

If you read all the way to the end of this blog post then I might as well tell you about some some other projects I have going on:  

• For freelance writers and the freelance-curious:  Pitches That Worked, Summer 2019
• Make Your Own Moms Group: Something I wrote for the New York Times parenting newsletter.
• Related: For mothers who need a break, a laugh, and to vent, free of guilt:  The Evil Witches newsletter, which is on the Substack platform--you can sign up for free or I hope throw in a little for the full subscription version!