In Real Simple the other day I read a depressing spread on complicated questions to ask your parents about elder care and living wills and things like that. Within the article, though, was a teeny tiny box to inviting me check out this much nicer piece on questions to ask your mom. In the spirit of Mothers Day I sent the piece to my mom for her feedback and in the spirit of Mothers Day she chose to respond in a semi-facetious manner because she knows that in my hugely pregnant and hormonal state I probably couldn't handle totally sincere answers.

1. What's the one thing you would have done differently as a mom?
I've given this a lot of thought. In retrospect I probably shouldn't have attempted to trim your bangs myself.

2. Why did you choose to be with my father?
He tricked me.

3. In what ways do you think I'm like you? And not like you?
We are alike in that we give each other good presents. Not alike? I iron.

4. Which one of us kids did you like the best?
I liked you both the best.

5. Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but never have?
You owe me five dollars.

6. Do you think it's easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family?
It would be harder for me to give birth now.

7. Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?
No. I doubt if I would have liked hearing their answers.

8. What's the best thing I can do for you right now?
Punch up these responses.

9. Is there anything that you wish had been different between us―or that you would still like to change?
I wish that my feet were bigger or yours smaller so that I could borrow your Laboutins.

10. When did you realize you were no longer a child?
When I first learned what F.I.C.A was.