A tale of hatred and anger, or, why I wish Comcast had a face so I could punch it

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2256186646_9630861957_z.jpgThis story contains cursing. Occasionally, it's just a fact that no other words will do.

We actually had zero problems with Comcast up until about a month until we moved out of our house. I never understood why people loathed that company so much until, very suddenly, I loathed it more than I've hated any other company in my entire life. I know I should hate Monsanto or Phillip Morris or something but those companies have not messed with me personally, or if they have, they have done it in a way that didn't feel like they were purposefully torturing me. Here's an approximate timeline of how things went from fine to complete and utter shit in about a month:

October 10th-ish: Internet is down.
I call Comcast because the Internet won't work, despite restarting the modem and everything ("everything" meaning "Also restarting my computer.") They restart the system over the phone and then the man on the other end offers me an upgrade to a new modem. I consider this, while IM'ing my husband, and he says "Don't do it: it's a huge scam." On the phone I say "Actually, I do NOT want the new modem, okay? I just wanted the internet reconnected and nothing to change with our service." I repeat this numerous times and the man agrees and we hang up. I am so satisfied with Comcast's service I even write a Tweet about it.

October 17th-ish: We receive our new modem. And cable box.
I call Comcast and inform them that despite my prior instructions, I was delivered a modem AND a cable box, neither of which I requested--in fact, the opposite. I also inform them that I do not intend to take the boxes to have them mailed since it wasn't my mistake that the boxes were mailed to me. The woman agrees to send me some shipping labels. Again, because I had no idea what was coming, I felt mollified and pleased by Comcast's service.

October 27th-ish. No box, but we DO have Comcast Triple-Play.
We still have the stupid modem and cable box laying around so I call Comcast to explain to them again what happened. This is when I start to get frustrated that there doesn't seem to be some sort of master record of a client's service calls, because I have to explain the first two correspondences first. I ask for the shipping boxes to be sent my way, and I'm informed that I need the cable and modem for our new Comcast Triple-Play package, which we never signed up for. I express that I do not want the godamn Triple-Play, and this all started just because I wanted our Internet fixed, and I do not want these obligation-boxes in my house one second longer than I have to. The woman on the other end says I'll have to take the boxes to the UPS store and while I hate the idea of spending one more second fixing Comcast's errors, I just want it all to go away.

November 1st-ish. We have boxes, but our premium channels go away.
Finally, something goes right when our boxes to send back the modem and cable arrive, but soon after, our HBO and Showtime are shut off. We call Comcast to ask what gives, and they inform us that we lost HBO and Showtime when we canceled our Triple-Play that we never asked for. Of course, they have no record of all the previous calls and also the package that we originally signed up for when we originally signed up for with Comcast in 2008 (normal cable package plus HBO and Showtime only) doesn't exist anymore. I inform them that they need to restore our previous service this second because this has been a mounting shitstorm of their errors and we just want life back to the way it was before I moronically thought I deserved to have working internet. HBO and Showtime are restored the next day. By the way, up until this point I selected the option to be called back to fill out a survey on my Comcast service because I suspected I would get better service for doing so, but have gotten over this idea because each time up until now, while it would appear that my problems would be resolved, therein triggering a positive survey response, a week later some new fuck-up on Comcast's part would be revealed so why should I give good reviews to something that would just turn to shit later on?

November 7thish. Oops: we haven't been getting charged enough.
Comcast sends us a bill apologizing but due to billing errors they realize they need to charge us more. We have no intention of paying this bill and besides, we are moving in a week so fuck them anyway. I post on Facebook and Twitter that I can't wait to cancel Comcast. Steve calls the company and tells them that we are moving and want our service canceled on November 14th. Read that date carefully. November 14th.

November 13th: Our service is shut off.
After an exhausting day packing to move, we just want to crash and watch TV for one last night in our house (plus, Steve has a bunch of files he has to upload for a deadline for work.) Plink--everything goes out at 3 PM, a day early. I call Comcast and a woman answers and I spend 45 minutes on the phone with her, mostly on hold, while she tries to figure out how to turn my service back on. I tell her that when we're done speaking I need to talk to a manager about the last month of screwups because there appears to be absolutely no record of this mountain pile of Comcast errors we've had to spend precious Earth-minutes trying to address. She finally tells me that she will call me back in 20 minutes when the issue is resolved and a manager will speak with me then.

One hour later...
I call Comcast back and am put on the phone with four separate people because that's how many people it takes to figure out what the answer is when you tell them that due to their error your services have been shut off. Each time I'm met with a "I'm sorry for the wait" or "I'm sorry for that" until I say "You people need to stop apologizing for things until you actually do something about it." Finally, I get an answer. What can Comcast due when due to their error, they shut off all your service early?


Nothing at all. That's it.

Too bad! Sorry.

(Not sorry.)

"Are you punishing me? Am I being punished?"
This is what I actually start yelling into the phone because it feels personal by this point, like somebody has been taking notes of all the little uppity ways in which I have been foolishly trying to control my own destiny instead of just taking it, accepting all the shit I didn't ask for and paying more for it. It's at this point that Steve takes the phone from me and tells me to lay down.

November 14: We spend eight hours moving.
It's grueling and expensive. But at least we don't have to deal with Comcast. Seriously, it's a breeze in comparison, because we actually feel like we are in control and there is an end in sight.

November 15: We get Comcast installed in our new house.
Joke's on us. You can't fight Kabletown. At least, when it comes to high-speed Internet providers.  But guess what! For cable, we now have U-Verse. Frankly, if all U-Verse did was broadcast an image of a dancing turd 24 hours a day, it would still be preferable to Comcast. We are just going to eat the $10 Comcast says we owe them because I would rather pay $10 extra than to have to speak with Comcast again. I would rather have a dozen pap smears done in one day than ever have to spend another moment on the phone with Comcast again.