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Mrs. Zulkey.com on Grabby People

Dear Mrs. Zulkey,

I'm a semi-professional photographer and the primary camera I own for my work is very costly and provides terrific quality. As with any business, I have peers who work in the industry and we talk shop about our gear, how we use it, where to buy equipment, etc. Unfortunately, because I own such a nice camera, and these peers are familiar with it, there are those among them who don't have that level of equipment and I've been asked to lend it out. With most people, I just say, "No, I'm sorry." But I have one friend that I didn't directly say "no" to the first time and instead made up some excuse that I needed it those days. Since, he's asked time and time again, and each time I feel like I can't go back and say, "No, sorry, but I can't ever lend this out to you," so instead, I always come up with an excuse. I assumed he'd eventually catch on and get the hint, but he continues to ask. I've lied to him with my excuses, so I suppose it's possible that he's been genuinely strung along, so what's the best way out of this without coming across as a jerk?

Dear Shutterbug,

I think it's time to come clean, don't you? Before you get to the point of avoiding your friend's calls, if you're not already there.

Here's what you do. You invite you friend out for a drink. Or coffee, but a drink is better, if he's to swallow this. (You're picking up the tab, by the way.) While you're sipping on the second one you spill the beans. You tell him that, as your good friend, he will appreciate your initial good intention of some day loaning him your camera but that you, being you, have this little idiosyncrasy. Because this piece of equipment is so fragile, valuable and complicated and because part of your livelihood depends on it you just can't let it out of your hands. It's not that you don't trust him, it's just that you have this serious hang-up about that darned camera. In fact, it's become such a burden to you, in some ways, you actually wish you never got it.

You tell him about the nightmare you've been having which is this: what if, some time after he returns it to you, maybe even six months after, something should go wrong with the camera. That's possible, isn't it? In this bad dream your mind begins to have bizarre thoughts like: I know I didn't do anything to it, but what if my friend accidentally bounced the camera off a light pole, or dropped it in a puddle, or inadvertently spilled Krazy Glue in the works and didn't tell me about it. You don't want to think these things, but in your nightmare you do. Resentment builds up. You decide he's a lowdown dirty rat for ruining your career. You shun him. Eventually you are desolate because not only have you lost your camera but your friend as well. You wake up in a sweat, but are relieved when you realize none of this has happened. You're still pals. In the end, you tell him that for the sake of your friendship, you just can't let this camera come between you.

As they say in the movies, it sounds crazy, but it just might work.

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