Today is the day to eat so much candy that you never want to look at candy again.

A little web gremlin seems to have deleted the Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com mailbox on me. So, if you've sent a question to my mom/advice columnist at the old address, I'm sorry, it didn't come through. So try me again here.

Hey Chicagoans: If you're looking for something to do this Wednesday night, come see me and the very lovely Wendy McClure and the very hot Amy Krouse Rosenthal at the Book Cellar.

Reasons Why You Should Be My Valentine

I bought a special outfit just for you.

I will make a wonderful dinner featuring heart-shaped polenta pieces.

I will make you feel superior to all the pathetic single people out there who don't get to take part in this special, holy day.

I will surprise you at work with a balloon bouquet which will embarrass and thrill you.

I bought a Valentine that is the perfect mix of humor, sincerity and raunchiness.

You're obviously a computer nerd: who's going to be your Valentine if not me?