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Dick Cheney's Month of February Thus Far

February 1: Buys puppy for Hillary Clinton

February 2: Drop-kicks puppy across Senate floor

February 3: Lowers arch-nemesis into shark tank

February 4: Eats veal

February 5: Walks out on "Brokeback Mountain"

February 6: Buys Hummer

February 7: Leaves nasty comment's on someone's blog

February 8: Waxes, twirls mustache

February 9: Ties damsel to train tracks

February 10: Changes station while Lynn is trying to watch Olympic opening ceremonies

February 11: Shoots friend in the face

February 12: Laughs at friend

February 13: Ponders next move