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Los Angeles: Actors Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were married on Saturday, capping their unholy two-year-long old-lady, man-child relationship, two celebrity fluff magazines reported on Sunday, based on little or no actual facts.

Representatives for Kutcher (12) and Moore (98) could not be immediately reached for comment, probably because this event did not actually take place, but both 'US Weekly' and 'People' magazine reported on their Web sites that the couple were married in Los Angeles area on Saturday in attempts to rejuvenate both celebrities'careers, and also possibly just for an excuse to have a buffet.

'US Weekly' reported that the wedding was attended by about 100 of the couple's friends, including Moore's second husband Bruce Willis, Santa Claus, Father Time and some Jewish Kabbalah mystic guy. Also at the wedding were actress Lucy Liu and Moore's three daughters from her marriage to Willis, Louella, Hockey Puck and Ding-a-Ling.

Moore, who starred in "Parasite," "General Hospital" and "The New Homeowner's Guide to Happiness," first began dating the younger Kutcher in 2003, just as she was making a highly publicised return to the screen as a botoxed lesbo character in "Charlie's Angeles: Full Throttle--This Time, it Really Sucks."

Kutcher, whose break came as a star in television's "That '70s Show", which we think is still on the air, is co-creator of the MTV reality show "Punk'd." His films include "Just Married" and "My Boss's Daughter." He was also in "The Butterfly Effect."

It is the third marriage for Moore, whereas Kutcher is wedding his first ex-wife.

(with apologies to Reuters)