Today is the day to abandon your argument.
Have I told you to buy Chicago Noir yet? Do it!
Plus, there is a new copy of ElleGirl on the stands, so check out my installment of "Class of 2008."
Finally, there were no questions today for Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com, so please write in. She can talk to you about how to get a good Scrabble score, how to make bread with a hole in it, how to save money by only eating free food, and more. Send one in.
Rafael Palmeiro's Backup Excuses:
You were really serious about all that?
I thought there was something about a mustache clause that excluded me from testing.
Some older, bigger players were doing them and they made me do them too.
Oh, you meant 'real' steroids. At the hearing, I thought you were talking about chocolate steroids. Which I still have never taken. Period.
It was Opposite Day when I testified. DidnÃt you know? Duh.
ëRoid Rage is quickly followed by ëRoid Repentence. I will not ëRoid Repeat the same ëRoid Wrong twice: really.
[Give them a few Viagra jokes, run out the door while theyÃre still laughing.]
I caught them from Sammy, that chest-thumping son of a bitch. I knew I should have never shared a water bottle with him.
All I did was order an ìeverythingî bagel: is that so wrong?
Without the Hall of Fame, IÃll only have my millions of dollars to keep me happy.
Look over there! A gorilla!