Today is the day to call someone out.

Mrs. Zulkey.com Sees Through Your Misleading Questions

Dear Mrs. Zulkey,

Never having seen your column and feeling fatigued over the rants of your daughter to send in a question, I ignorantly propose this: I have been married for fourteen years to my lovely wife, who I consider my best friend and confidant, yet when I swing my driver, the ball still goes right. Should I take up soccer?

My Dear Sir,

Now, at first glance, it might appear incongruous your mentioning your lovely wife in the same sentence as your errant golf swing. On the contrary, the two can be related, as you shall see. You've probably already discovered that there could be any one of a hundred different reasons for your slice, and chances are you've already tried quite a number of cures. New clubs? More lessons? Tips from the locker room buddies? Videos and books by famous pros? Absurd training routines from Golf Digest? Odd contraptions designed to keep your elbow/arm/wrist/hips in proper alignment? Am I right?

The answer for you is to play more golf and the only way to get away with this is to have the little woman take up the game. This may sound counter-intuitive, but trust me, this works. At first you'll have to play together and this may be somewhat painful for you, but don't give up. Just a few holes at twilight, a cocktail on the patio afterwards, some cute Footjoys for Mother's Day and she'll be hooked. Soon she'll be joining the 9-hole ladies' league and your dinner table conversations will be all about her chip-in on seven. Together you'll watch Tiger at the Open, but she'll always be pulling for that good-natured family man, Phil. Do you see where I'm going here? Later, when you say you're heading out to the course on the day of a big dinner party at your house, she'll be understanding, even encouraging, since she can relate to your need to "work on your game." She will thrill each and every time you say "now I know what I've been doing wrong." And finally, together you will agree not to spare any expense on improving your game because, gosh darn it, you're going to win that Husband and Wife Championship!

So forget soccer. Soccer is for kids.

Mrs. Zulkey.com can help you with anything (as long as it's, you know, appropriate. She's my mom. Have a question for her? Send it in.