Today is the day to eat a tiny cupcake.

Book By Its Cover Review: Being One of the Fat Women in Those Dove Ads

I know that I would not like to be one of the women in those Dove ads. You know why? Because if you're in those ads, it means that you're fat. It's true, we are facing an obesity crisis in this country but the main crisis is that we have to look at these fat broads on the ads all the time. I think the problem is that the ads are telling already-fat chicks, "Hey! It's okay to be fat!"

I don't think it's fair for Dove to inflict these chunky women upon us. It's unpleasant to see, with all their, you know, bodies hanging out and whatever. And they're smiling. What are they smiling about? The fact that they will never have a boyfriend? Type II Diabetes? Struggling with the shame of being a size 8 or 10? I would not like to be a party to that.

I'm just glad that they're selling firming lotion, because at least they're on the right track. They should firm away 50, 60 pounds, each of them. At first I thought those ads were for underwear and I was like, no way, those fat chicks should not be selling underwear! Get out of here! Gross!

Advertising has a duty, and that duty is to give us attractive people to look at. Mostly women though because honestly, if you're going to have an ad for "The King of Queens," obviously you're going to have to have a big fat guy in the ad, because he's in the show. I really hate ads for, like, Lane Bryant. They should just feature ads that have the name of the brand on them, not the people. In fact, no, they shouldn't even advertise because they're just encouraging women to be fat, the way Dove is.

So, no, I give a hearty thumbs-down to being in one of those Dove ads. To reiterate: a.) it means you're fat b.) everyone hates those ads and c.) Whatever. No thanks.