Today is the day to write the rent check.

The Brief Follow-Up to the Imagined Sammy Sosa Interview

Claire Zulkey: Hi, Sammy. Thanks for talking to me before you move the rest of your stuff out of Chicago.

Sammy Sosa: [smiling benevolently, somewhat weakly.]

CZ: So, are you excited about moving to Baltimore?

SS: Sammy eat crabcake, hit home run.

CZ: Yeah, and maybe you'll run into John Waters!

SS: True.

CZ: So, you seem kind of tired.

SS: Sammy is moving. Also, feels...brittle.

CZ: Brittle how?

SS: [Coughs, breaks a rib].

CZ: Ah. So what do you think of the random steroid testing?

SS: Sammy thinks it is good. [Hiccups, nose falls off.]

CZ: Gross. So, what went wrong in Chicago?

SS: Everybody wrong. Sammy right! [Pounds chest. Pokes hole through chest accidentally, ends up with heart in hand. Drops it on the floor dejectedly.]

CZ: I'm going to go now.

SS: Go Orioles. [Sighs.]