Today is the day to see how long you can stay home..

Funny Ha-Ha is coming to the MCA in 19 days

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com, aka my mom, is ready to answer your questions. Got one? Send it in. I know you don't know what to get your Dad for Christmas but she might know.

Book By Its Cover Review: Having Christmas Stolen

It's come to my attention that Christmas is being stolen in many of our American towns. Who is it being stolen by? The Jews. No, I'm just kidding. It's being stolen by the political correctness police. As a Christian (and let me remind you that this country was founded on Christian values), it offends me that people say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," or that there is a "Holiday Tree" instead of a Christmas Tree, or that my office has a "Holiday Party" as opposed to a "Christmas Party." And don't tell me that it's my call to say "Merry Christmas" if I want to. What is the fun of that unless everybody else is saying it too?

After all, the point of Christmas is making sure that everybody else celebrates Christmas the same way you do. Now some people might say that the point of Christmas is charity and peace on earth. And some tricky people might even say that Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ. I know that. Don't tell me that. Don't try and trip me up with semantics. This is all beside the point.

Some people also might even argue that December 25th is an arbitrary date, since it has been agreed that the birth of Jesus Christ probably happened in another month altogether. If you encounter one of these people, bless yourself and move away from them, because they are probably atheists and will only try to ruin your Christmas (and possibly try to tell you that you are descended from a monkey. You are not.)

Having Christmas disappear from the public arena is one of the worst things that could happen to our country. Thank god, here in Chicago we still have a Christmas tree, not in heathern towns such as Boston. Shame, Boston. Shame. I'm glad I don't live there, eating the devil's clam chowder.

Christmas isn't really Christmas unless it's observed as such in God's country, on God's streets, on God's television commercials and in God's shopping malls. Don't let Christmas be stolen from you! Together, we can work together and hopefully, if we join together, we'll have things our way, for once.