Today is the day to star in a new show with Alyssa Milano.

Watch out! Steve D. is at it again.

Sounding Off with Steve D.

Claire Zulkey is an evil robot murderer. Either that or she just isn't the kind of person who you'd like to know, and I'm about three steps away from sounding off on her. Extremely close. No. You know what? I'm about a half-step away from sounding off on her and a half-step away from anything means that I'm teetering, and when I teeter, I very often lean, and right now I'm leaning on this teeter toward a good sounding off! (watch out below!)

Hi, I'm Steve D., the prince of sounding off. But right now, you might as well tell everyone that the king of sounding off and anger is dead and his son (me) will soon take the throne as THE KING of SOUNDING OFF, because this week I'm really angry. The reason I'm so mad is that this week I was very busy (sounding off doesn't pay the bills, you know!), and I could barely keep up with all my office work and my yard work. So I was busy. And then, out of the blue today, the aforementioned owner of this site, Claire "Sounding-Off-Coming-to-Her-Promptly-Via-Fed-Ex-Three-Day-Delivery" Zulkey, sends me a note saying the following:

blah blah blah blah blah...dumb...blah blah blah...When can you send me this week's "Sound Off" column? Blah.

Thanks,
Claire

Well I very nearly exploded.

Sure, I'd been planning on sounding off on any number of things that make me angry this week, from the size of pumpkins to the squishy noise that boots make when they're wet. But I was going to do it on my time, Official Steve D. Sounding Off time, not Little "I Think I'm A Professional Lady" Woman. I'M SO MAD!

And that reminded me of another potential sound off! You people! All you people were warned last week in this column that this was my column, not your column (get your own column!). Yet a lot of you wrote to me saying, "Hey, nice work. I like it when you sound off." STOP IT! You run the risk influencing my work -- my sound offs! (don't you get it?) I told you not to write, but you did! You DESERVE to be sounded off upon. Immediately!

Unfortunately, there can be no sounding off today in this, MY Sound Off column, so consider yourselves warned, now-learned, and somewhat shame-ridden. I cannot sound off on a soul because I am busy at work preparing for Halloween. I have attached a photo of what I will be appearing as.

Yours in sound offdom,
Steve D