If you're interested, Thursday night I will be reading at a reading and reception sponsored by Bridge Magazine and the Chicago Public Library, 8-9:30 PM at the Bridge space at 119 N. Peoria, featuring students and faculty from Northwestern University's Masters in Creative Writing Program such as Charles Fiori (NPR's Stories on Stage winner), Matt Pagano (ImprovOlympic Theater), and Mike Newirth (Bridge Magazine.) The piece I am reading is not humorous per se, but you can laugh nonetheless. I hear that beer will be provided.

On Miss Manners' "To Answer" Pile

Dear Miss Manners:

I'm setting up the dining room table for a hypothetical dinner for 40. It's currently 4 a.m. and I've been doing this all night, along with polishing the silver. My question is: If I am hosting 40 hypothetical guests, is it gauche to put out shrimp forks and caviar spoons? And do I need to make sure that all the ice cubes are exactly the same weight before I put them in the water glasses? And do you think anybody will notice if one of the flowers in the centerpiece has a slight fault? Also, how much cocaine is too much to do at once?

Dear Miss Manners:

I enjoy sexually harassing a co-worker, how is going through a divorce. Is it more correct to say, "Miss Jenkins, if you don't meet me for a drink after work, I'm going to have to fire you," or to say "Mrs. Jenkins", as I'm not sure her divorce has gone through? By the way, you are so fine.

Dear Miss Manners:

I was at the opera recently, and the woman behind me was rustling her candy wrappers, coughing, tapping her feet and talking loudly on her phone throughout the entire first act. At intermission, I sucker-punched her. My husband and I are trying to settle a bet: was this correct, or should I have done it the minute she began bothering me?

Dear Miss Manners:

Recently we had an unfortunate death in the family, and received a wonderful outpouring of support from our friends and family. Except this one neighbor left a pound cake on our porch saying, "Our condolences." I specifically remember telling this bitch at our last block party about my dislike of poundcakes. Do I have permission to put a cap in her ass?