If you're interested, TONIGHT I will be reading at a reading and reception sponsored by Bridge Magazine and the Chicago Public Library, 8-9:30 PM at the Bridge space at 119 N. Peoria, featuring students and faculty from Northwestern University's Masters in Creative Writing Program such as Charles Fiori (NPR's Stories on Stage winner), Matt Pagano (ImprovOlympic Theater), and Mike Newirth (Bridge Magazine.) The piece I am reading is not humorous per se, but you can laugh nonetheless. I hear that beer will be provided.

Zulkey.com will not be here tomorrow or Monday, as its owner will be taking a business trip to the British Virgin Islands. Jealous?? Please tell me you're jealous. Please?

Memo

TO: Party people at PBS

FROM: Claire Zulkey

RE: Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

Hey guys,

It has come to my attention that this is a scary time for kids: war, politics, Paris Hilton...I was up late the other night, as I don't really have a job, and I came across a rerun of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. "Dude, I totally remember this!" I exclaimed to no one in particular. But after watching for a few minutes, I no longer had the feeling of content and safety that I used to receive from the show when I was in my single-digits. In fact, I said something along the lines of "Dude, this is so gay."

Thus, a proposal. I would like to submit my idea for a Mister Rogers for the 'new millenium.' I know it's a little late, but hear me out.

We keep the format similar, but we change up the identities of the characters in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Check it out:

King Friday: "Tha King" is a tough but fair shadowy mafiosa type character. He loves his wife and his neighborhood, but cross him and you might be the unlucky recipient of his signature form of revenge, "Getting crowned.”

Queen Sara: Beneath her calm exterior is the restlessness of a desperate housewife. Also, she rides a motorcyle.

Prince Tuesday: Still figuring this one out. Gay subplot?

Henrietta Pussycat: Mee-ow! Is very similar to Catwoman, only without all those trademark issues. Sexy black outfit.

X the Owl: Your friendly neighborhood stoner dude. Comic relief. Is always willing to 'chill' and doesn't like the party to end. Is not fond of work, King Friday or having to leave the tree.

Lady Elaine Fairchilde: Teaches children that cross-dressing can be okay.

So what do you say? I also hear that Mister Rogers passed away some time ago, but I figure that we can maybe resurrect him with the magic of holograms or something. So I think that you should use these ideas, and pay me handsomely for them. Let me know, and hope all is well in the Children's Workshop.

Sinc.,

Claire Zulkey