May 18, 2004

Today is the day to stop looking for personal satisfaction in your career.

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Guest Listmaker: Leonard Pierce: My Pickup Lines

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you look like this woman from Tennessee who killed my dad."

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you give me a blowjob?"

"Somebody call Heaven! That would totally validate millennia of Christian theology."

"Have you got a little Mexican in you? Really? So what do you put on your census form?"

"Is it hot in here, or is just my crippling dose of the clap?"

"All those curves, and me with a dead hooker in the trunk of my car."

"Are those space pants? Because I have a deep-seated childhood fear of astronauts."

"That's a nice dress. It'd look good on my cousin, the transvestite."

"I'll make you dinner if you give me eighty bucks. I mean, I went to the Culinary Institute. That shit ain't cheap."

"There must be something wrong with my eyes, because I'm blind."