December
9, 2003
Today is the day to endorse a breakfast sandwich.
Guest Listmaker: Meghan Haynes
Expected (and Exceptional) Highlights From the Upcoming Dodge Lingerie Bowl
Kickoff: ("What? We're supposed to kick this ball?")
Ball tumbles a whopping 6 inches.
10:55 left in the 1st quarter: Team Dream comes out of the gate strong, scoring
the game's first touchdown. Extra point? good.
SCORE: 7-0
Time Out: Girls have to oil up
3:14 left in the 2nd quarter: nippy January winds bring on a nipply surprise
for the players (those without enough "pop" can always visit the
sideline where tweakers w/ice await, a la "Showgirls")
Halftime: Appearances by Jack Nicholson, the cast from "The Simple Life"
and the men of "Average Joe." Performances by Beyonce, Ludacris,
Lil' Kim & the Old Navy Dancers, and The
PussyCat Dolls. Also a "surprise" performance of a more grown-up
"Who Let The Dogs Out?" (make your own substitutions) w/special
guest Rik Rok
6: 34 left in the 3rd quarter: After a time-sucking drive, Team Euphoria scores a
touchdown. End zone excitement brings about the first (noted anyway) ta ta
spill. Sports bras next time, okay ladies? Extra point attempt: no good (and
can someone say bikini wax?)
SCORE: 7-6
Beginning of the 4th quarter: the girls must oil up again. Once back on the
field, "trash talking" about lace choices and colors leads to a
little extra-curricular field activity. Referees Vern Troyer and William "Refridgerator"
Perry quickly break the dueling divas up.
2 minute warning: down by 1, Team Euphoria attempts an on-side kick. Melee ensues,
and the girls are all scrambling for the ball. A Dodge pick-up rolls onto
the field and dumps Jell-O onto the ladies while they tussle. No one notices
that time runs out.
FINAL SCORE: who cares? Don't you see there's Jell-O on the field? And there's
always room for Jell-O!