Guest Listmaker: Meghan Haynes Expected (and Exceptional) Highlights From the Upcoming Dodge Lingerie Bowl

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December 9, 2003

Today is the day to endorse a breakfast sandwich.

PREORDER MY BOOK!

Guest Listmaker: Meghan Haynes

Expected (and Exceptional) Highlights From the Upcoming Dodge Lingerie Bowl

Kickoff: ("What? We're supposed to kick this ball?") Ball tumbles a whopping 6 inches.

10:55 left in the 1st quarter: Team Dream comes out of the gate strong, scoring the game's first touchdown. Extra point? good.

SCORE: 7-0

Time Out: Girls have to oil up

3:14 left in the 2nd quarter: nippy January winds bring on a nipply surprise for the players (those without enough "pop" can always visit the sideline where tweakers w/ice await, a la "Showgirls")

Halftime: Appearances by Jack Nicholson, the cast from "The Simple Life" and the men of "Average Joe." Performances by Beyonce, Ludacris, Lil' Kim & the Old Navy Dancers, and The PussyCat Dolls. Also a "surprise" performance of a more grown-up "Who Let The Dogs Out?" (make your own substitutions) w/special guest Rik Rok

6: 34 left in the 3rd quarter: After a time-sucking drive, Team Euphoria scores a touchdown. End zone excitement brings about the first (noted anyway) ta ta spill. Sports bras next time, okay ladies? Extra point attempt: no good (and can someone say bikini wax?)

SCORE: 7-6

Beginning of the 4th quarter: the girls must oil up again. Once back on the field, "trash talking" about lace choices and colors leads to a little extra-curricular field activity. Referees Vern Troyer and William "Refridgerator" Perry quickly break the dueling divas up.

2 minute warning: down by 1, Team Euphoria attempts an on-side kick. Melee ensues, and the girls are all scrambling for the ball. A Dodge pick-up rolls onto the field and dumps Jell-O onto the ladies while they tussle. No one notices that time runs out.

FINAL SCORE: who cares? Don't you see there's Jell-O on the field? And there's always room for Jell-O!