July 8, 2002

Today is the day to buy a t-shirt that says "bling bling" on it

Well, I hope all you Americans had a very pleasant holiday weekend. Mine was very nice, and included barbequing, fireworks, sparklers, the Potomac Cannons, the DC-requisite trip to the Tombs, and a successful petition not to see "Star Wars: Episode II." Also, I managed not to freak out in or around any airplanes. (Although, a note to United Airlines: Why make such a stink about watching those safety videos when they're not even accurate? My flight from O'Hare to Dulles, after landing, lost all power. I saw no lighted walkway whatsoever. Now, how am I supposed to believe this 'air mask,' 'life jacket under my seat' or 'emergency exit' business really exists as well?)

I was trying to think of something to write about, other than the poor crying baby on my flight home to Chicago, but wouldn't you know it, "Sex and the City" provided me with fodder once again. (And to those of you who write angry emails to me on the topic, you really need to realize it's only a TV show.) The wedding announcement of Candace Bushnell (to some guy) was in the New York Times over the weekend. I won't quote its entirety here, but it sounded like quite the classy affair. Here are some of my favorite selections of the tale of union of these two:

"'Her family calls her Candy. His pals call him Chuck.'"

"'I told him he was too tall to be a ballet dancer,' she said. 'And I asked if he was gay.'"

"'At first he seemed too young, but then I looked into his eyes and it was like, `Whoa!' ' she said."

"'But I told her every girl should be married at least once.'"

"At parties and intimate gatherings, Mr. Askegard, who is 6-foot-4, would find himself in the natural position of catching Ms. Bushnell as she flung her slender self into his arms with the abandon of a missile."

"Soon Ms. Bushnell, wearing a garland of pink roses in her hair, was yelling, 'All right, we're going to the ceremony now, if anybody wants to come!'"

"'"O.K., wait; we have to do something now,' Ms. Bushnell said after a defiantly long postceremonial kiss. 'And don't mess up, Charles.' Raising her slender arms, she ran across the sand and leapt at Mr. Askegard, who caught her and held her above his head as if he were Atlas in Prada."

"'O.K., that's it, we did it!' Ms. Bushnell declared."

Candace does, in fact, represent the average female writer. I have two writer-friends who are engaged to be married as well, and they always sound just like Candy herself. Here are some quotes I intend to hear from them in their New York Times wedding announcements.

"O.K., I'm gonna say 'I do,' right now, O.K.? Everybody check it out!"

"So I told him that he was 20 lbs. overweight, and then I asked him how old he was when he lost his virginity. And the rest is history."

"Sometimes I like to try to cold-cock him at parties, just to see if he can see it coming or not."

"O.K., Dad, it's time to walk down the aisle. Don't fall down or look stupid or cry or anything dumb like that and embarrass me, O.K.?"

"At first he seemed too short, but then he opened his wallet, and I was like, 'Oh my god!'"

"This marriage thing should be pretty fun."

"O.K., we're leaving for the honeymoon, we're gonna have sex now!"

"This is, like, the most special day of my life. Or something."