July 9, 2002

Today is the day to practice your sidestroke.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a good week. You know?

Mmm, two lists this Tuesday. This first one, "Terrible Fake Names" on McSweeney's might look a little familiar to you.

This one here, is newer, although with a dangling participle:

Lines from the R. Kelly Song, "Heaven, I Need a Hug," That I Identify With

• I'm just bein' real, you know
  I'm like the sun, I'm tryin' to shine on everybody
• And then my tears roll down and hit the sink
  Then I hold my head up high, I hope the Man upstairs can hear my cry
• When will you realize that I don't owe you nothin'
  Need to get up off your butt and go get your own somethin'
• Heaven, I need a hug
  Is there anybody out there willin' to embrace a thug
• And reach for the sky, focus on the plan
  Rescue the kid with his paper a pen
• And this is for the homies that we lost
  Yo', we cannot forget y'all, so the hats come off
  We pour a little liquor out for the memory
• (Fo' real tho') It hurts to know you wanna see me fail
  (Fo' real tho') And don't forget I kept you out of jail
• (Fo' real tho') Church folks, you need to stop judgin'
  (Fo' real tho') Or you will be the first to be judged
  (Fo' real tho') And women stop dependin' on us men
  (Fo' real tho') And start dependin' on the Man above, feel me
• So shower down on me (Shower down), wet me with your love (Take me)
  I need you to take me and lift me up, yeah, yeah