MARCH 20, 2002

Today is the day to peer into people's windows, from a safe and legal distance, of course.

Things certainly have been exciting around the offices of Zulkey.com. The place has been jumping! New staffers have been engaging in amusing hijinks and the senior officials have been grumbling about something or other. I thought I'd let you in on some of the gossip. See if you can figure out who's-who.

WHICH Zulkey.com writer has not gone to the gym since Friday, and is unlikely to go today, due to a mysterious yoga-related injury?

WHICH F.O.Z. (Friend of Zulkey) phoned Claire at her workplace to tell her that she in fact 'does not look like she has an extra chromosome'?

WHICH Zulkey.com benefactor was quite generous with the products in her new Clinique Bonus pack?

WHICH Zulkey.com editor is ashamed to say that she saw "Sorority Boys" last night?

WHICH Zulkey.com donor has been seen flitting across the globe and country, worrying about whether his wife correctly taped the latest episode of "24"?

WHICH similarly-named managing editor of SCREEN Magazine has inexplicably been seen addressing inanimate objects with salutations such as, "Tomato sauce, calm yourself. You know you'll end up in my shopping cart. I got you. I GOT YOU."

WHICH Webmaster of Zulkey.com left yesterday's work clothes in the Zulkey.com office and is unlikely to pick them up until at least later today?

WHICH Zulkey.com contributor made a stupid mistake picking Georgia to go all the way in the NCAA tournament?

WHICH Zulkey.com freelancer is tired and is going to stop writing for today?