MARCH 21, 2002

Today is the day to wonder whether you wear capri pants when you're a little hot or a little cold.

The popularity of Zulkey.com is skyrocketing. Visitors have been complaining to me that they haven't been able to access it because it's been so busy! My email box is full of missives from fans! I've been asked to appear on Conan O'Brien! Thanks to you for your support!

This sudden burst of activity brings with it sudden responsibility. The small staff of Zulkey.com is quickly being rendered insufficient. Thus, Zulkey.com offers you a once-in-a-lifetime chance of employment. All you college students looking for jobs, and all you disgruntled employees searching for a soul-fulfilling opportunity, look no further. Granted, no monetary payment is offered, but it goes without saying that the honor of working for Zulkey.com should be payment in itself. You knew that already, didn't you?

If you have any specialities in which you excel and would like to put to task, please feel free to suggest to me your preferred office. Meanwhile, however, the following offices are also open:

Personal Stylist
Chaffeur
Prime Minister of Getting it Ready for this Jelly
Panty Inspector
President of Lifting and Separating
Lookout
Person in Charge of Holding Back Hair during Puketime
Tombraider
Chief Operating Engineer of the Spanking Machine
Getaway Driver
Executive Vice President of Waxing and Buffing
Merman
Secretary of Getting Down, Getting Back Up Again
Personal Trainer
Soul Sister

So come on, drop me a line, and sign up for Zulkey.com! You know we need your help and you know you need something respectable to put on your resume.