MARCH 7, 2002

Today is the day to give me all your pineapple Gummi Bears.

On the rare occasions where Zulkey.com has to run a correction, it will do so. This will usually take place on the days where Zulkey.com doesn't have anything else to report. But without further ado, correcting yesterday's diary entry about the nature of Egyptian sea anemones, as well as enlightening us on what spring is like in Russia, may we introduce Dr. J. Louis Koplow, our correspondent in Moscow:

"Here in Russia, the time of year that is of spring is not to come for months of large number still. The temperature is still in the range that is below the zero, or the thirty and two on that scale which is used in the American. But, in a story which might prove to be of entertaining value to you, the terminology of "spring break" is indeed here the appropriate one to use, as the advent of the spring is to be found in the company of a large sound of breaking, as the ice which has formed upon our streets and domiciles is then to be breaking. We are then the ones who are doing the celebration, what with the drink of alcoholic-containing beverages and the wearing of our tiny swimming costumes. It is a wacky time for to be a Russian and one of which even Joseph Stalin was to be known to enjoy. No other leader of the Russia could perform the shot gunning of a can full of Pabst Blue Ribbon like Uncle Joe. Until we were having Yeltsin as our leader, this is of course the exception that I would make hereto.

Also, we are not to be found in a state of agreement with [yesterday's] sarcastic-filled reference to the stepping upon of a sea anemone by the boy who is your friend. They [the anemones, not the boy in question] are creatures of the nasty sort and it seems more likely that he was attacked by such a creature, which are known for to display speed that is great and viciousness that is also great. The attack by sea anemone, or to be known as "beast of hell of the ocean" in a translation directly of the Russian calling, is a matter not at all to be taken in a light manner. This is as the leading killer of people in the world, assuming that it is understood by "people" to mean a type of person who is being the very, very allergic to the anemone (and also of the poor-class of health, as such as to be sufferer of wounding by gunshot in the heart-vicinity) and by the word of "leading" to be meaning "almost of the non-existent level" and by the utilization of "world" as the imaginations of one who might be of a position to be somehow gaining from a sort of such exaggeration such as ourselves."

Hopefully, I have set the record straight, in some form or another. Tomorrow I make a fun announcement, and hopefully nobody will take me to task on it.