February 6 , 2004

Today is the day to figure out what a highball really is.

ORDER MY BOOK!

Is there such a thing as a humor writing pedigree? If so, today's interviewee proves that good things do happen to Harvard Lampoon writers. He's written several humor books and has contributed to The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The New Yorker and more. He's also lent his writing and producing talents to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," "Square Pegs," "The Facts of Life" and "Pleasantville." Plus, he posts humor every day on his website, too, which I've heard can be hard.

The Andy Borowitz Interview: A Little Less Than Twenty Questions

Who are some of your favorite humorists?
Mark Twain. As a kid, I read a lot of Woody Allen. I think Calvin Trillin and Ian Frazier are hilarious.

I'm curious to know what it's like to be published in the New Yorker. The first time you had a piece in there, did you submit to them, or did they contact you and ask you to write?
They actually contacted me in August of 1998. They asked me if I had anything funny to say about Monica Lewinsky (it was the week leading up to Clinton's deposition). I wrote up a list of "talking points" for the President's deposition and they used it that week. Coincidentally, it was David Remnick's first week editing the magazine.

It seems like you've touched just about every medium, and been published in just about every venue that writers hope to see their names in. What are your goals for the future? Which publications have felt like the biggest accomplishments?
I suppose The New Yorker is the place where everyone wants to be published. I guess part of that has to do with the roster of humorists they've published over the years. And the magazine is still tremendously influential. The one magazine I have yet to crack is a medical journal called Minimally Invasive Surgical Nursing. Someday.

What do you do when you're just not feeling funny or creative and you have an assignment, either for a publication or for The Borowitz Report?
The great (or terrible) thing about The Borowitz Report is that through some insanity of my own I've committed myself to writing it five days a week. No one pays me to do it, but thousands of readers get pissed at me (and tell me) if I miss a day. I've never missed a day (except for some technical Internet problems) since I started writing it three years ago. What this means is that even if I feel like shit I have to power my way through writing a 250 word column. 250 words doesn't sound like much, but if you're feeling down or lonely that day, it's still a pain in the ass. But I just tell myself it has to get done. Sometimes the columns I write when I'm in a shitty mood - and the ones I have no confidence in whatsoever - are the ones other people seem to like the best.

How often do you get people rapping the intro to "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" to you, invited or otherwise, a month? What about the "Facts of Life" song?
Within a certain demographic, mainly people in their 20's, the lyrics to the Fresh Prince theme are more familiar than, say, the words to "The Star Spangled Banner." So, yeah, I do hear people rap them. Or they'll ask me to rap them, which I would never do in a million years. Fortunately, fewer people associate me with "The Facts of Life." I only worked on that show for one year - I was replaced by George Clooney. Well, not really, I guess, but Clooney did come on the show after I left.

Which do you find comes easiest to you, writing for print, web, radio, or television?
I don't vastly prefer one medium over another. Some ideas just make more sense for one medium, and so that's the way I'll go. Because I spent so much of my early career writing for TV and movies, those media hold very little appeal for me now. I wouldn't mind doing a variety/live TV show, though, one that reflects the kind of writing and performing I'm doing now (as opposed to writing for Tootie and Blair).

Which election do you think is going to shape up to have more potential for humor, 2000 or 2004?
Every election is intrinsically funny, because politicians are all deeply flawed and worthy targets. I'm excited about Kerry's front-runner status, and delighted to hear that he may be a Botox user. And Bush and Cheney are always fun.

I read here that we have something in common: a love for Beverly Cleary. What did you love about her writing? Did you ever contact her? I wrote her when I was about 8 or so and received a postcard back that I think I still have.
I think the books you read and love as a child always stay with you. I loved Henry and Ribsy, in part I suppose because it was about a boy and his dog and I never had a dog. (My parents had already been through their dog-owning phase by the time I came around and when our last dog died, when I was around two, dog-time was over. I have a golden retriever now.) Conversely, the books you hated as a kid you will always hate. I know people will kill me for saying this, but I never saw the appeal of Dr. Seuss. I despised Hop on Pop - I found the similarity of the rhyming words in it maddeningly confusing. It probably made it harder for me to learn how to read. I'm still playing catch-up today.

Doesn't it seem a little unfair that not only does Harvard corner the market on the smart people in the country, but also the funny ones as well? I mean, if you didn't write for the Lampoon, is there basically no hope for a career as a humorist?
There have been a lot of funny writers from the Lampoon, but I don't think they've cornered the market. Having said that, I agree with you, it's very unfair.

According to a bio, you began making films at 13 and taught film 4 years later. Do you still have any of your creations from your formative years? How do they look now?
I think they were lost somewhere in the move from LA to NY a few years back. It's a shame, because they were all works of genius.

You've written several humor books. How do you know when you have a concept that's good for a couple hundred words, and one that's worth stretching into a whole book?
Well, in the case of my latest, Governor Arnold, the concept only had to be good for about 1,000 words, because that's all that's in it - about fifty captions for funny pictures of Arnold. But it's hard to tell. Who Moved My Soap, a self-help guide for convicted CEOs, was an idea that I felt had legs and I was right - it was fun to write (in about 9 days), sold extremely well, and was translated into several languages. But I often get pitched ideas for humor books and when I hear the idea, I just draw a blank and think, "How on earth could I get 20,000 words out of that?" Not a good sign.

You're from Cleveland. I can't really talk because I'm an Illini fan, but how come, in your own opinion, college teams are taken to task for insensitive team names but the Indians, Redskins and Braves are still around?
A few years back somebody wrote to the local newspaper, The Plain Dealer, and asked, "How would people feel if the team was called the Cleveland Jews?" And I was like, I'd be down with that.

What was the first job you had out of college? Have you ever had any bad jobs?
My first job will annoy any budding comedy writers reading this - I got a job as a comedy writer for a big TV producer in Hollywood, Bud Yorkin, probably best known as Norman Lear's partner on All in the Family, The Jeffersons, etc. He had seen me doing stand-up in Cambridge and hired me on the spot. My annoying job was working for a law firm during the first two summers of college, but I hesitate to call it a bad job, since many kids would've loved to have done that instead of pumping gas. It did, however, convince me that I could never be a lawyer.

You teach humor writing. Obviously, you can't make a totally unfunny person a riot, but what do you think is the easiest form of humor to teach? Writing? Performing?
I suppose that more experienced performers than I, like the Groundlings in LA, would say that it's easier to teach performance. Since I'm more experienced as a writer, I'm more at ease teaching writing.

What was the last purposefully funny thing that made you laugh out loud?
I laughed out loud many, many times at the movie Bad Santa.

What was the last unintentionally funny thing that made you laugh out loud?
Joe Namath drunkenly telling ESPN reporter Suzy Kolber, "I want to kiss you," on live national TV.

What's the best benefit of being a member of the Friar's
Club?
Being able to tell people you're a member of the Friar's Club. It's certainly not the food.

How does it feel to be the 88th person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
It's a dubious honor, Claire, given that 87 other people occurred to you before you even thought of interviewing me. But knowing that will only make me work harder and become stronger in the long run. I do believe that.