Today is the day to realize that Mr. Toad will simply not settle down.

ZULKEY.COM EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT!

THIS FRIDAY, catch the debut of the Second City writing show "TV Misguided," including the writing of yours truly! Be at the Skybox at 10 p.m. this Friday. Admission is $5 (I think. And alcohol is available for purchase.) For more dates, click here, and for more information on the location, click here. Come and be generous with the laughs!

To put it briefly and mildly, I look up to today's interviewee as a writer and I love her as a reader. Amongst other places, you can catch her on her great website, Breakupgirl.net, as the writer of the Dating Diary in Glamour Magazine, teaching humor writing classes for Mediabistro and Waxing Off on the Black Table. She's a riot and an inspiration to funny writer girls.

The Lynn Harris Interview: Slightly Less Than Twenty Questions

Tell us about the origin of Breakup Girl!
Breakup Girl's cartoon origin is that she got her superpowers - the ability to hear hearts breaking, special healing ability (mainly wisdom), plus a phat utility fanny pack - when she went through a breakup with another superhero, Unreliable Man. She went on to help both men and women - if they asked or summoned her - through all manner of relationship emergencies: breakups, makeups, hookups, do-overs, and everything in between.

Her real-life origin is that my supergenius partner (business partner and dear friend, don't get excited) Chris Kalb and I invented her as the narrator of a humor book we did together (me words, Chris pictures) in 1996. It had the worst title ever (He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not: A Guide to Fudge, Fury, Free Time, and Life Beyond the Breakup), and a limited girl-only focus, but BG the character broke through and survived. That is, people dug the book, but really dug the character, so we decided that two dimensions were not enough for our hero. In 1997, back when the web was all grassrootsy and creative (or, I should say, only grassrootsy and creative), we launched BreakupGirl.com with advice and comics and hoped that maybe our friends would visit. The site was - and you can say this almost literally about the Internet - an overnight smash. Over the next couple years, we developed new features (eventually going daily), secured some advertising, hired some key helpers, launched a monthly variety show called Breakup Girl LIVE at Gotham Comedy Club, and wrote a new book with a good title (Breakup Girl to the Rescue! A Superhero's Guide To Love, and Lack Thereof).

The Act II drama of the story is our stint at Oxygen Media. You can read an oblique and graceful account of it here. Basically, Oxygen acquired the rights to BG - and our creative services - in summer 1999; we worked there 'til getting laid off in late 2000. We endured unfathomable legal nightmares for the next two years, kind of like when Buffy sent Angel to hell, but we got the rights to BG back in early 2003 and relaunched BreakupGirl.net - featuring our vast archives, at least - on Valentine's Day! We can't run the site like we used to (with staff and salaries, say), but BG shall live on, and even have new bells and whistles and tricks in her utility fanny pack now and then. Stay tuned.

Your "You and a Guest" section of "Breakup Girl" is fabulous. How effective is it to troll for interview questions on the internet?
Thanks. Actually, what we did was let our readers know in advance who our guests were going to be, and solicited questions from them. So they really came to us. But when superpopular guests were on the way - like O-Town and the producer of Buffy - word got out and the Internet kind of trolled itself.

What are some of the most commonly-received questions on Breakup Girl?
Golly, everything from "How can I break up with someone without hurting their feelings?" (which you can totally do, in Bizarro World) to "Help! My ex's mom just married my dad!" (not making that up). Really, a little bit of everything, from, "How do I lose this loser [without hurting his/her feelings]?" to "How do I find a keeper?" to "How do I keep this keeper?" to "Remind me why I'm not a loser!"

How do you think being a woman affects your standup act? Do you incorporate 'female' humor in your jokes or not?
Sure, I do topics that can be considered (or, on a bad day, dismissed as) "female," but that's because, um, I am one. That's what naturally is on my mind, ergo comes out of my mouth. But honestly, I don't really think of doing standup As A Woman. That, I think, leads to the kind of comedy ("comedy") where every joke ("joke") is embellished with, "AM I RIGHT, LADIES?!"

Do you think audiences react differently to comedy from a female, whether it's standup or writing or what have you?
Sure, they judge more. A man gets on stage, they think, "Okay, let's see if this comic is funny." A woman gets on stage, they think, "Okay, let's see if this woman is funny." That said, it's not something I really think or moan about or experience directly. It's just a face. And once you're into your act, and you're funny, no one cares whether or not you can play golf at Augusta.

Did you learn any big lessons from your work with Oxygen?
Chris and I had good judgment and good legal advice going in, so - unless we'd been able to predict the apocalyptic future - we would have, knowing what we'd known, and negotiated what we negotiated, done the same thing all over again. So the lessons I learned were less about specific ways to watch your back in business, and more about watching your back in life. That losing a bit of your innocence, going around being less trusting, is not a bitter bummer; it's actually healthy, and it puts the Good People who will come through for you in stark - and reassuring - relief.

There was another thing I kind of intuited before, but the Oxygen experience brought it to life. When people heard how royally badly the entire staff, the human capital, if you will, was treated over there, they'd say, "That's so odd, considering that it's a woman's company." Huh? I'll never defend Oxygen, but I hate it when women are held to different standards, especially inappropriate ones. We shouldn't be surprised when women aren't "nice," any more than we should be surprised when men are. Listen, people are assholes. And 50% of people are women. So.

You write about sex a good deal…do your parents just not know it or they're the kind that don't mind what you write?
I actually don't write about sex - any that I've had, that is, which is of course only in my daydreams about the man I'll someday marry, Mom - much at all. Occasionally, yes, but usually obliquely; not confessionally. Call me a prude, but I actually think there's way too much skanky TMI men-oir writing out there. If I want to read your diary, I'll snoop.

You teach humor writing on mediabistro.com. Can you give us a short, free tip on what's good for bringing the funny?
Never try to be funny.

I'm serious.

I want to compliment you on possibly being the only person in the history of the universe to describe the diaphragm as a thing of beauty. Do you usually write very descriptively or just of the more unusual, overlooked items like the diaphragm?
Okay, busted, that was like the one time I wrote explicitly about my own sex life. I usually write very descriptively about my vows of chastity.

Is it true you went dogsledding in Alaska?
Nope! Minnesota.

You've contributed to a lot of my dream publications. What advice do you have to wanna-be writers like myself in terms of pitching and submitting?
I'm not the only person who says this by any stretch, but this is paramount: be very familiar with the publication you're submitting to. Read it, know it, live it. Pitch them the kind of thing the magazine already does, not the kind of thing they "should" do. Do not tell Sports Illustrated your idea would be perfect for them, once they start a first-person food column.

What's "the deal" with Ben and J.Lo?
You know, he's really just Benny from the Block, which is honestly what I think they have in common. But I liked him so much better when he was dating Matt Damon.

I have been told to ask you about any dirt you may have on Sarah Silverman.
I have been told not to say a word about Sarah Silverman.

Who are some of your favorite female writers?
Just some: Fran Lebowitz, Dorothy Parker, Cynthia Heimel, and Miss Manners.

How did you get the "Dating Dictionary" job for Glamour?
Years of freelancing for Glamour and an "audition" with a sample column, plus an Immunity Challenge.

What are guys' responses when you tell them that's what you do?
"Dating you must be like playing football against a team that has your playbook."

You've published two books…can we expect another one, or another big project from you in the future?
Yes! Stay tuned for my first comic novel, She-Business, in a matter of months.

How does it feel to be the 61st person to be interviewed for Zulkey.com?
I could tell you, but that would involve writing about my sex life.