April 26, 2002

Today is the day to Officially Take Your Hedgehog to Work.

Yes, I watched the *N Sync special on last night. At least I'm man enough to admit it.

I found this link while Googling myself the other day (yes, I'm man enough to admit that as well.) Thanks to Knowumsayin for getting me in a newspaper. But do you really think I'm over-the-top?

Today I introduce you to a girl you ought to know, an old friend of mine, and somebody who certainly is never over-the-top.

The Meghan Haynes Interview: Slightly Less Than 20 Questions

You worked for Vibe Magazine for a semester in New York City a year ago. Do you have any good stories about celebrities you met?
Oh, there were so many! Like when L.L. Cool J and I...oh, can't tell that story, he's a married man. Well, beyond meeting Ray J (wait a minute ain't that Brandy's brother?) in person and learning that I'm almost a whole foot taller than DJ Clue (whom I stood by at a bar, and I've come to the conclusion that he's really a Smurf, only 3 apples high), which were
both life-changing moments, I'd have to say my most humorous celebrity experience was at the Carl Thomas album release party. I was standing in line between a friend and a young man who was an obvious Puffy fan-decked from head to toe in Sean John/Bad Boy gear. As we watched
the celebrities walk the red carpet-Jay-Z, J-Lo, Russell Simmons (the only celeb I saw in NY who made me starstruck) a party organizer came outside and yelled, "Ain't nobody else gettin' in until Puffy get here!" At this, my friend yells, "FUCK PUFFY!" Upon hearing these blasphemous words, a burly security guard came charging towards us, picked up the adoring Puffy fan to my right and screamed, "Who said fuck Puffy? You said fuck Puffy?!" The boy whimpered for his life, and more importantly, to retain his
place in line, but the security guard would hear nothing of it and placed the boy in the street, on the other side of the barricade (GASP! Only the nobodies stand on the street side of the barricade). Wrought with guilt, my friend admitted that he had yelled the obscenity, but the guard didn't believe him, and the young boy was not allowed back into line (shed a tear). However, I got to go to one of the best parties ever, a true Bad Boy event!

What's the best idea you've had for a feature story that you haven't used?
I've always wanted to profile Vince Carter (my future husband whom I'm madly in love with), Spike Lee or Rodney Lowe, the brilliant faculty advisor of the Evanstonian, Evanston Township High School's newspaper.

Why do you hate peas?
Peas smell, they have a horrible consistency and they taste like already-chewed baby food.

What is a buppie? Please explain to our less-informed readers.
A buppie, in its most base definition, is simply a black urban
professional. However, they tend to lack cool and they can't
code-switch, you know, can't bridge the gap from Wall St. to Chocolate City. Buppies are men like Carlton from "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" or the Gumbel Brothers. They are buppies because they're pretentious and don't know (or choose to ignore) their "flavor." "Buppie" tends to have a negative connotation.

On that note, what is a B.A.P.? Do you consider yourself one?
Yes, I wear the badge with pride! BAPs (or Black American Princesses) have more range than buppies, they "keep it real." BAPdom has more to do with your attitude, your environment, your expectation for the best in any and everything, where as buppies go through life faking. BAPs
and buppies look the same on paper, they have the same credentials, the same resume, (breeding, finishing, schooling, activities, etc), but buppies have the pretentious need to flaunt the resume (and no one really cares), while it naturally shines through in BAPs: they don't have to say anything because everyone sees it, it's that certain je ne sais pas, oui? For more background, I suggest that the patrons of Zulkey.com pick up and peruse one of my bibles, The BAP Handbook...it'll
explain everything.

You graduated from Northwestern's Medill School of Journalism. There is a complaint amongst non-Medill students that Medill students think they're better than everyone else. Explain.
While, technically, I am a "Medilldo," I too hate the average
Medill student. They're horribly annoying, they take life and
journalism too seriously, and for the most part, they're ugly
(Broadcast, honey? I don't think so!) Yes, they do think they're better than everyone else, and if you're talking about me and my Medill friends, yes we are better. But for the most part, the Medill superiority complex is just a mask to cover up the fact that those people were geeks and social rejects in high school, and they watch too much CNN, and they weren't smart enough to be engineering students.

So, do you think you're better than everyone else?
Of course! And remember, you're not the boss of me!

Why does getting one tattoo make you want to get more? You'd think that once you get one, you'd be finished.
I will not disclose the real number of tattoos I have, for fear of disappointing the Zulkey family, whom I share both familial and alumni bonds with, but I can't really explain it. I have a high tolerance for pain, so maybe I'm some type of masochist. Yes, that's it...I like to torture myself.

You have an extensive music collection. Which are some of the rarer gems?
All my Notorious BIG, Isley Brothers & Stevie Wonder albums; the original Snoop Doggy Dogg "Doggystyle" with "Gz Up, Hoes Down", which has since been omitted from the Doggystyle album; the Nas "Stillmatic" with the recently snatched "Braveheart Party" featuring Mary J. Blige
(who had the song removed at her request), and Alvin & The Chipmunks Greatest Hits. Oh, and I can't forget about all my R. Kelly CDs...those will soon be collector's items!

You work for Cahners Residential Group. What can you tell us about construction that you didn't know before?
I work for Cahners Residential Group, a division of Cahners Business Publishing, a subsidiary of Reed Elseiver Inc., and recently, Reed Elseiver put the ax on the Cahners name, so technically, I work in the Reed Residential Group (corporate branding is a muthafucka!) I write for 2 publications: Professional Builder and Luxury Home Builder. This is
what I can tell you about homebuilders: they're all white and they're hardly any women. Therefore, people always know when I'm missing from a function, conference or interview...I can't blend in, so there's no playing hookey for me!

You once dated a football player. Did you ever let him snort cocaine off your breast like in "Any Given Sunday"?
Heavens no! I am a distinguished graduate of the D.A.R.E program (presided over by Officers Tomzak and Charlie McNeal, with special guest, The D.A.R.E bear), and I've always said no to cocaine and other powdery white substances (except for powdered sugar, which I partake of
in excess). But if any of the Zulkey.com readers plan on dating a football player, I have 3 key concepts you need to embrace: liquor, lap dances and perpetually loud music. And
don't fall for it if he tries to tell you that he needs to do
"everything" with his team. While his whole mentality, every aspect of his life, may revolve around being part of a group and tackling (which, I learned, involves a rather strong pelvic thrust), some things are meant to be one-on-one, okay?

Which is the best Muppet Movie?
It's a tie between "The Muppet Take Manhattan" and "The Great Muppet Caper." The Muppet's Take Manhattan is a sentimental favorite, because I saw it first, but they both have gems within. Please don't make me choose!

Please explain the need for caller I.D. Are you really that popular?
All black people have to have caller I.D. They take your black card away if you don't have it.

Which has been your journalistic triumph, writing for Vibe, writing for the Chicago Reader, or writing for the
Evanstonian?
None of those. The Celebrations Sun-Times produced by Mrs. Koushanpour's fifth-grade class was the best
piece of yellow journalism I've ever written for. When DeWayne Louis wrote the story about the sperm in NKOTB's Donnie Walburg's stomach, I knew I was part of a talented, magical editorial team.

Please regale the world with a funny story about Claire Zulkey's youth.
Our friend Nora Geraghty would say I was being remiss if I failed to mention how Claire rolled down the aisle of a CTA bus because it stopped abruptly and she wasn't holding on to the rails (even though we told her to hold on...we were trying to be gentle, it was her first time). There was also the time at my first sleepover birthday party when Claire ran upstairs
and locked herself in my bedroom because some of the party participants were popping balloons. Yes, she had put out many warnings to stop, but all were ignored...and Mrs. Zulkey refused to pick Claire up, despite her tears and dramatics.

Claire Zulkey has been present at your baptism, confirmation, and quite possibly will be at your wedding. Claire Zulkey is thus part of Catholic Church's three catechismal marks on your soul. Don't you think that means you should be nicer to her?
Claire Zulkey will be at my wedding, mos def, and when I become Mrs. Vince Carter, it will be bigger than Liza's
and Melissa River's weddings combined. Just because I will allow her to be at this event, I'm already, clearly, too nice to her.

How does it feel being the sixth person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
Insulting. I should have been first ...it's because I'm black, isn't it?