Today is the day to finish that weather machine.
Looking for Team Pam/Team Karen shirts? Find them here!
Today's interviewee may be best known for her novel Animal Husbandry
The Laura Zigman Interview: Slightly Less Than Twenty Questions
Now that you've 'been there,' if a friend of family member tells me that they have cancer, what should I NOT say? Is there anything good to say, other than well wishes and an offer to be there?
Here's one thing not to say: "Oh my God. I know six people who just died of breast cancer. And boy did they suffer before they went." That's not a good thing. It's like when you're just about to have a baby and every woman you see - even all your friends - starts telling you their horrific hemorrhaging childbirth stories.
I haven't seen the Lifetime move-from-the-memoir Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy nor read the memoir itself. It's supposed to be really good though. When Samantha on Sex and the City got breast cancer and her boyfriend shaved his head in solidarity, it was certainly dramatic, although it was hard to suspend my disbelief for that particular plotline. One of the best depictions can be found in a book called Cancer Vixen
, published this fall by Knopf. It's a graphic memoir - that is, an illustrated cartoon book by and about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer right before she was to get married. It's hilarious and informative and has everything most women are thinking but wouldn't admit to thinking (like, hoping they'll lose weight on chemo, even though a lot of times they gain weight - like the author did - 18 pounds! - which she found so incredibly galling on top of everything she'd been through). The only problem for me with these books and movies is that because I didn't have to have chemo or radiation - just the massive surgery - I kind of feel like I'm not part of the official Breast Cancer Club. Which is fine actually, since I've never been much of a 'group' person.
Somehow, you made Martha Stewart think you were making fun of her. Do you think she is the one who possibly gave you breast cancer? What do you think would have happened to you if Oprah thought you were slighting her?Listen, you might be on to something there. I spend so many fucking hours with a glue gun (not sanctioned by Martha's instruction booklet for the gingerbread house which she instructed should be completely constructed with edible materials. A farce!) that I wouldn't be surprised if I'd been exposed to toxic fumes. As for Oprah, I would be afraid - truly afraid - it she thought I was slighting her. At least Martha Stewart was kind of distracted when my piece ran in the NYTs - she was going off to jail soon. I wouldn't have that kind of grace period with Oprah since she is not a convicted felon. At what point did you feel that your writing career had taken off?
When I was able to buy a vacuum cleaner, some living room furniture, matching plates and decent sheets. And then I got the first good haircut of my entire life (which spoiled me for the rest of my life since now I can't afford that kind of good haircut now). I was broke when my first book sold so my life was completely devoid of any infrastructure. Also when my parents stopped looking at me with that You're so weird. What will ever become of you? Expression - that's also when I knew I'd "made it." Did you read any of the other books that were published around the same time Piece of Work was?
No. I didn't. I lied and said that I wasn't reading anything else because I was busy with my book tour but the truth was that I wasn't reading anything because I was feeling tired and lazy and unable to concentrate. Instead I spend a lot of time checking my Amazon numbers and feeling like a loser. Did you feel pressure prior to publishing Piece of Work due to what apparently was a four year period before your last book, or were you fine with taking whatever time you needed?
No, no external pressure. But tons of internal pressure. You see, when paying your mortgage is almost entirely based on your income as a writer, there's a lot of "motivation" to write. I had plenty of motivation, but I wrote a book - a mystery - that didn't get published and that's where the big delay came from. What's going on with the film version of the book?
Nothing. I'm sorry. Was that too vague? Let me clarify then: absolutely nothing. So I read that you were 40 pounds heavier than usual when you met Hugh Jackman. But that still doesn't tell me much about Hugh Jackman.
You know, Claire, I really think that fact tells you a lot about my meeting Hugh Jackman. I mean, imagine being introduced to the most gorgeous man alive - a man so handsome you lose your breath - and so friendly and nice and un-phony that you want to grab onto his ankle and never be parted again - when you are twice your usual size and when everyone else, especially your two bestest friends from publishing to go on set that you'd invited and who were, at the time, still single and without children and looked fab-u-lous and stylish and sophisticated and perfect in that Manhattan kind of way. It was grim. That's all you need to know, Claire. It was very, very grim. Have you tried writing from the point of view of a male protagonist? How did it go if you did?
No. I've never tried that because I'm convinced I'd never be able to pull it off. I have, however, though a lot about writing under a male pseudonym to stop all the chick-lit mommy-lit finger pointing. What are you working on now?
The first thing I'm working on is kind of a departure - it's a non-fiction funny book about failure. The upside of failure. So far the title is "Failure: A Love Story." I'm tired of turning all my failures into fiction and giving them away for free to my characters. I want to write about my failures as they've actually happened! With no fictionalizing! So that's one thing. The second thing is that because I'm such a loser I only this past September got a website and a blog. So I've been blogging like a banshee. My blog is actually called a "brant" - a brag+ rant . Usually, because I get reallllllly nervous before starting a new book, I tend to procrastinate. Before my brant I used to play a lot of Solitaire on my computer like gweeb. Now, I brant. At least I'm writing. What made you decide to write your "brant" in the third person?
When I first realized that I had to get a website like everybody else in the world -- -when I finally realized that in order to have some chance of having a career I would have to not only have an ALL ABOUT ME site but also a blog - I had some kind of mental short circuit. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't imagine writing a non-ironic ALL ABOUT ME blog the way a lot of other people do. So I knew that in order to do that - to write about myself all the time - I'd have to trick myself. So I decided to write it in the third person so that I could constantly write about myself without feeling like a total narcissist. That overlay of irony distances me from myself just enough to make me feel like I'm writing about a character who doesn't really exist. What's the least-autobiographical book you've published?
Hmmmm. I have no clever answer for that. I'm embarrassed to say that they're all almost equally autobiographical. And just for the record: the book on failure will be autobiographical too (duh). Do you ever hear from the other 'characters' from your books?
No. Never. Thank God. (I'm assuming you mean the "fictional people" on whom the "fictional characters" are based.) Which weddings that you covered for the New York Times Vows section stick most in your mind?
Oh God. Doing those wedding pieces are an absolute nightmare. The worst one, I'd say, was the first one I did: the woman getting married had lost her first fiancÈ in the Paris-bound Flight 800 that crashed over Long Island. He was French, and a hockey player, and it was just very awkward because you knew that it was only ever going to be about her dead fiancÈ. The guy she was marrying was the son of the founder of J. Crew. They're an incredibly private family (i.e., have you ever read anything about them? No!) and it was clear that they really didn't want this piece done. It's really strange to have your wedding covered by the New York Times - I mean, it's one of the most intimate days of your life and there's someone with a pad and a pencil, bothering people with shrimp in their mouths for interesting things about the bride and groom while the photographer runs around trying to find something good to shoot. That said, I've been lucky they were all really nice people. I'm just not a reporter. I'm shy, and I hate going up to people at cocktail parties in general, let alone for a "story." The last one I covered-the enormously festive wedding of two amazing gay men in Boston - was one of the most difficult for getting quotes. I remember calling my husband from the bathroom of the mansion where the first part of the reception was held (the other part was in the gi-normous tent attached to the mansion) and practically weeping into the phone that I had nothing! No quotes and the reception was almost over. He talked me down off the ledge and I managed to ask one more person a question and they finally said something worth writing down. Do you feel happy or sad that you're ahead of me in the alphabet, last name wise?
Happy, of course. Last year, at the BEA convention, I "auditioned" for the Jewish Book Network - an event for directors of Jewish Book Fairs across the country to screen all the Jewish authors with new books out and decide which fair would get which author. I was absolute last one to get up there and do my 2 minute spiel - the last of the three nights - and the last one of the whole entire event. Which means, if you had been there, YOU would have been after me. How does it feel to be the 173rd person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
You know, to be frank, Claire, I feel hurt. Like, "What took you so long?" More interviews here!