Jaya Saxena somehow managed to interview both Steve and me separately for this interesting piece on a topic I've pondered before--what do you do when one member of a couple is online more than the other one is? Here are a few thoughts on the subject in general and in regards to our relationship:

• Steve has had a lot of good points about when it's crappy to pick up the phone in social situations and I think because of his chiding (and, yes, my own eventual better judgment) I've gotten better about not looking at a screen during every down second. It's pretty much a no-go for me to text or Facebook* or whatever when we're in the car and he's driving because it's not fair to him. Additionally we've both established that it's not very acceptable to be on your phone or computer while the two of us are watching something (unless it's a situation where I've said ahead of time that I need to answer emails that night and he can watch whatever Liam Neeson kidnapping movie he wants and I'll just sit there.) It's true; when one of you is watching a movie and the other is doing Facebook you're not really doing the same thing, having the same experience.
  
  
• I'm glad Steve mentioned in his interview that I'm more social than he is. In the best of times my online time is me chatting with my friends. Texting or being in an online group has more or less replaced the hourlong phone call for me and probably most people. Absolutely, I could clear away at least 30% of my internet use due to it being bullshit but aside from work and news and research, a lot of it is just how I keep in touch with people. It's been awhile since we've had one of those arguments about my screen use but when it does happen I would get touchy for the following reasons:
  
  
  • He doesn't understand the nature of my friendships
  • He is also probably right in a lot of ways. 
  • He is in some ways a grandpa who dislikes the new ways of certain things and assumes that the older versions are simply better (it's the new brag of "I don't even own a TV") and I don't appreciate feeling like my husband's teenage daughter simply because we do things differently.
  • Again, he's probably right in a lot of ways, which is the worst part.
    
    
• Most lately due to current events, I realize how much more of its own universe the internet is and how the real world often feels like a very different place. The reason for that is that online, you can pick and choose whom you communicate with, which can be great, but it's exhausting. Especially regarding political discussions I realize I either veer from checking in with everybody I agree with to doing the opposite--seeing what people I know I disagree with are saying just so I can feel that rise of fear and outrage. It's exhausting to disagree so hard and to agree so hard. It's increasingly refreshing to go out into a place where you're around people and you have no idea what they think about a particular subject. I confess on Sunday when we went to the Sox game I was paranoid about some crazy person sneaking a gun or a bomb in there  (after all, it was family day, the "God Bless America" day--it made sense to me). After getting through security and having a beer and settling in, I calmed down, and even began to enjoy the crush of people. I've been to a million baseball games before but never did I feel such a sense of wonder and charm--look at all these people! So different! All getting along! What a wonder. And I didn't even check Facebook once.

* I know Facebook is for old people and that if I were "hep" I would be on Snapchat and a few other things but basically Instagram/Twitter/Facebook are my internet high water mark and I'm fine with that.