I've been reading a lot of stuff lately about the frontal lobe, the part of your brain that is related to not being a stupid kid (scientists may describe it differently.) It affects impulse control, decision-making and perspective. It's getting a lot of press lately as teenagers become more closely studied on account of how they're so awful (or something.) I'm glad to know the name for that thing in my brain, because I love it. You can never really feel yourself growing, like getting taller and your wrinkles setting in. But I feel how this part of my brain has changed over the last few years.
I talk a lot. I am 98% fine with this trait, 2% embarrassed. But whatever, people are fun so why not talk to them. Every now and again I say something stupid and feel mortified. I feel though like this used to happen all the time when I was younger. I'd say something in an attempt to be funny, or just without thinking, and then feel like I was in deep trouble. Sometimes I really was being an ass (I remember a really bad joke I made at a bad time in front of someone I care about a lot and still feel embarrassed about) and other times I was also dealing with a high-strung similarly weak-frontal-lobed person. Regardless I agonized over what to say to these people and how to make it right.
Now when I do speak before I mean to (like accepting a family invitation without checking with my whole family) I'm not thrilled about my behavior but it seems pretty clear what to do. Be honest, be apologetic, know that everybody has those moments. I feel awful but it's for a half hour and not two days. It's really nice not to always be thinking You stupid idiot, why can't you think before you speak? Sometimes I actually catch myself thinking before I speak and steering a sentence away at the very last word. I love it. It's like those car commercials that claim you can see an accident before it happens.
I swear too I have just gotten better about ordering my time. I'm not perfect at this--I have to remind myself that emails can wait, but you know how sometimes when you're cooking, you wash a dish and then realize that you still needed it for the recipe? I feel like I'm better at that, both literally (I hate washing extra dishes) and figuratively, trying to be efficient, taking my time to make decisions. It's nothing worth sharing about with in a KonMari type book but it's just things like "I guess I can schedule that meeting close to the end of the day so I can pick up the baby on the way home intead of going out twice." Very exciting stuff. But still, better than going out twice!
Most conveniently my newly-matured frontal lobe just also makes me feel better about being old. I am not as self conscious partially because I'm more confident but also because I know nobody is really looking at me or cares. It's a little bit of a bummer ("Oh...I guess nobody is really looking at me or cares") but it's mostly good. However, I don't know if the frontal lobe is really to be trusted on that matter. As Emo Philips said, "I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this."