It's been over a year since I had a cigarette. I have not been a smoker-smoker for a very long time but even after Paul was born I was sometimes a social smoker, usually if I was at a party or a bar or something. I clearly remember the last time I smoked and it was at a wedding and it was super fun -- smoking out on a patio looking at the stars with a drink in hand in a nice dress while people danced inside. I had these cigarettes my cousin gave me that he had brought from China and they came in a fancy box where the cigarettes slid out. I had brought them sort of as a gag but everybody was into them and they had these pretty gold holographic wrappers at the filter.

A few weeks after that I found out I was pregnant, and I haven't smoked since. Since James was born I've certainly been tempted, and noted opportunites where I could bum one, but it was good to know it would be my first and would it be worth that? I think I just might be over it for now. I still miss it sometimes but I don't want to smell like it or taste it or know I had done it. So I'm happy about that.

I don't want to say never. Smoking is obviously dumb and horrible and stupid and unattractive but sometimes, like when you're at a great wedding on a mountain and fun people are smoking outside with you, it's just right. But I hope I don't find that anytime soon.