A month ago or so I was doing a reading and my friend Kelsie Huff told a hilarious story about a time in her Midwest childhood when she avoided taking baths because she had just seen the movie Jaws and was convinced that the shark would come in the tub through the pipes. It was funny because I could completely identify. When I was a child I took swimming lessons at the huge, terrifying, freezing cold Evanston Township High School swimming pool which was obviously Shark Central: there were probably sharks hidden behind the gigantic floor grate and definitely probably some sharks being stored behind the scary, reflective window that was underwater in the deep end, which was at least 100 feet deep.Â
I knew I was not alone so I kicked this question out to friends on Facebook to see if they had irrational shark fears and they did not let me down. Feel free to share yours in the comments:
Whenever we went to my parents condo in Florida when I was younger, I always thought a shark was going to swim up the toilet and bite me if I didn't flush right after going. So I'd flush while still on the toilet. No sharks but I'm sure my bum was momentarily turned into a petri dish of viral plague. I also have this fear with rats and NYC toilets.
When I was a little kid (<6) I was sure that there was a shark living on the shelf in my closet.
When I was about 6 I had a re-occurring nightmare that I was forced to continue with swimming lessons even though there were SHARKS IN THE DEEP END and all the parents were on the other side of the glass and NOBODY cared or seemed to be concerned about the SHARKS.
My dad was a special ed teacher at Niles North High School, and when my brothers and I were little, he would sneak us into their pool after hours and on weekends. (Many of the teachers did this, until the administrators put the kibosh on it.) I was positive that there were sharks at the deep end of the pool. In my dumb kid brain, I thought they came in through the filters.
I always assume that there's a great white shark in the deep end of every pool. I always swim extra fast through the deep end because of course sharks can't catch a fast swimmer.
My brother Kevin told my kids that mom and dad keep a pet shark named "Spike" in the basement. I think it explains why neither of them has ever tried to go down there.
I saw Jaws at age 27, every bump on the ride home had me convinced a shark was hijacking the train and trying to shove it off the track. so.
Not mine, but an old friend of mine: When he would watch TV in his downstairs (they had a tri-level house) at night by himself, he worried about a shark coming up through the floor.