Changes I will implement when I am the new NFL Commissioner

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6263598950_89aae37276_o.jpgCheerleaders make $50,000 per year, with their new extra salary taken from front-office staff

Helmets will be designed by winners of middle-grade egg-dropping contests

Each player who suffers a concussion must take a mandatory month off and in that time have three sessions with a professional life coach to consider alternate careers as well as three sessions with a financial adviser

Any player who is guilty of off-field violence is immediately expelled from the league and his team is immediately dropped from playoff contention for the season

The Washington Redskins must change their names to whatever name wins an online team-naming contest. The Kansas City Chiefs, too, because that's only fair

Three-beer limit per person per game

Games are to be played only on Sunday afternoons and Sunday nights to leave more room for TV shows I want to watch on other days and times

Each conference must feature at least one person front office position who is a female, a person of color, and a member of the LGBT community. Two-and-three-fers are allowed

All Super Bowls will take place at Soldier Field

No more patronizing, lip-service pink bullshit

Cleatus is out