She does a standup routine with her (flatulent, bucktoothed) ventriloquist's dummy.

Gaga sings her newest song, and after about 30 seconds splits in half (crosswise) and out steps a smaller Gaga. After another 30 seconds, this happens again. And again. And again. Then at the end: a monkey. And after that: a teacup.

Gaga Twitters (isn't that what all the kid are doing these days?)

Come up with a dance that everybody can do, especially at sporting events and on Youtube. Have Gaga do this dance in a really cool outfit.

Lady Gaga is a huge eyeball (named Lady Eyeball). Lady Eyeball sings, dances, wears avant-garde outfits, and at the end of the video...closes.

Lady Gaga is a mad scientist, or rather, she will be, once she obtains her PhD first which she'll never do until she finishes her dissertation, which is what the video is about.

Lady Gaga and her backup dancers all wear red plastic "energy dome" hats and encourage people to "whip it"

A cartoon featuring dancing sea monkeys and they all have sex at the end

The video is a reenactment of the film "Casablanca" except that everyone in it is a mummy, and also in the middle there is a break for an homage to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" except that has multiple allusions to "Alice in Wonderland" except everyone is a secret vampire/sexy Nazi.

Something with a lot of poodles dyed crazy colors.