(But first: I have a piece up today on McSweeney's Internet Tendency)
Webster (dorky)
Warren (weird)
Ruben [anagram for "Buren", my mom's maiden name] (weirder)
Adam (quiet and handsome)
Girl:
Suzanna (prettier)
Braden (snotty)
Raechel (perpetually annoyed for always having to correct people)
Regina (taller)
Ann (Annlike)