List: Ways in Which My Brother Enjoyed Antagonizing Me At Our Family Lunch Yesterday

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1. By claiming, almost proudly, that he didn't intend to clean his apartment (my former, beloved apartment) until he moved out at the end of the summer.

2. Refusing to throw our dog a ball because we'd be eating with our hands later (even though he had just come from riding the El)

3. Claiming that it's harder on (smoking) tenants of an apartment building to be asked to smoke outside than on (pet-owning) tenants of an apartment building to go pet-free.