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Since I bought all these cable stations and since I have cable, the other day I was given a special surprise: my Tivo had thoughtfully taped the show "We Are the Eighties" for me on its own. I've watched this show before, but not with the luxury of Tivo, where you can fast forward through videos you're not into. I am, however, very much into Eighties videos so it's very rare that I want to skim through the videos anyway. And, last night, I was presented with maybe what was the best two hours of randomly assembled (not by request) eighties videos ever. I present it with commentary and examples on its awesomeness. Vh1 Classic, you have earned a recurring spot in my channel rotation.

"Rock Me Like a Hurricane": The Scorpions

"Party All the Time": Eddie Murphy
This video and song don't seem so silly compared to "Norbit." Also I like this song. The chorus, anyway.

"We Don't Need Another Hero": Tina Turner
Tina Turner is awesome. Postapocalyptic chainmail-wearing Tina Turner rhyming "home" with "Thunderdome" is even more awesome. Also, video proof that Mel Gibson used to be rather attractive. I've never seen any of the Mad Max movies but they strike me as being a crazy Aussie version of "Star Wars." If Tina Turner is as weird and sexy in this as she is in "Tommy" then I may need to watch.

"Pink Cadillac": Natalie Cole

"Doctor Doctor": Thompson Twin
This song is really good.

"Overkill": Men at Work
I first heard this song performed on "Scrubs." I actually thought it was written for "Scrubs" and didn't like it that much then but what do you know, the uptempo eighties version is much better.

"The Metro": Berlin

"Real Men": Joe Jackson

"Head Over Heels": Tears for Fears
This is a great eighties video: a singer who is not traditionally good looking but is cute in the video (I think it's the eyebrows.) It's got all these non-sequiturs and weird lyrics. Also this is one of those songs I'd sing on "American Idol" that would be unexpected but welcome. Unfortunately it is very hard to sing.

"Perfect Way": Scritti Politti

"Burning Down the House": Talking Heads
The video in its entirety is not ALL that great but you must appreciate the suits and the dancing.

"I Got You Babe": UB40
A duet with Chrissie Hynde! How can that not be good. I still can't believe that that's what the lead singer looks like.

"The Look": Roxette

"Breakout": Swing Out Sister
Nobody has fun in videos anymore.

"They Don't Know": Tracey Ullman

"Respect": Erasure
The most literal video in history. It's amusing. Also weirdly this song has been on "Scrubs."

"True": Spandau Ballet
This song makes me wish I was in high school in the eighties so I could slow dance to it. It confuses me because the song and the video are cheesy yet irresistable. I can't tell if the lead singer is good looking/well dressed in it or not. Certainly not below the waist, anyway.

"West End Girls": Pet Shop Boys
This song maybe has the best intro ever.

"Get Down On It": Kool & the Gang

"Saving All My Love": Whitney Houston

"U Got the Look": Prince
When Roxette came on I wished that it was actually this song. Watching this made me so happy that I've seen Prince in concert. Also, I used to want to be Sheena Easton. I remember one time going to see "Man of La Mancha" starring Raul Julia and Sheena Easton was supposed to be in it too but she was sick that night.

"Let's Dance": David Bowie
Here we see David in one of his most attractive incarnations. However I have a sneaking suspicion that there is some sort of "message" being imparted in this video which makes me think I shouldn't have this song played at my wedding.

" Too Late for Goodbyes": Julian Lennon
I feel more maternal towards Julian Lennon than I've ever felt for any child, puppy or anything else. I want to adopt him here in this video. Look how cute he is, all young John Cusack-y. Look how much he looks like his father. Also this song is very good and in one of my favorite weird genres of music: the uptempo sad song. He is the only Lennon child I acknowledge.

"Our Lips are Sealed": Go Go's
It's nice to see girls in a music video having fun without being whores (even though we know what these girls were up to off-camera.) This song is awesome.