Today is the day to become a part of the machine.

Believe it or not, we've actually been making a little bit of money selling these Team Pam/Team Karen t-shirts. So I figured I make quite the lady entrepreneur--and might as well capitalize on my ability to take advantage of a hot current trend.

So ladies. Let's talk about a great opportunity--but only for those of you who are really on the cutting edge of fashion. If you're content to stay at home in the Midwest and be fat and wear sweatpants and like make cookies or whatever, stop reading.

While all the posers on the planet (hello, Olsen twins) are still clamoring to be seen with the It Bags of the world, you know that you own the most personal pouch of all: your vagina. Everyone knows that it's totally awesome to flaunt it, especially if there are cameras around. Why not? You're not uptight, are you? Too uptight to show your vagina to the world? It's so awesome that you'd point to it if you could, if you weren't too busy holding your cigarette and waving to the paparazzi. Underwear is so constrictive, so old-fashioned, so Medieval Times, isn't it?

Whether you want to say "I put the 'crotch' in 'firecrotch,'" "This is where my two babies could have come from" or simply "Woo!", this is time for your vagina to shine.

The problem with the vagina, though, is that practically everyone has one--and frankly, like an Hermes bag, only certain people should be allowed to own one. Set yours apart with some festive decorations! That's why I'm introducing my very own line of Vagina Decals. Don't show the world a vanilla vagina! Adorn it! These are for every fashionable gal out there with a crotch worth showing off. The best part is, you can take them off at night (because tattoos and piercings are for ho-bags.)

Vagina Decals come in lots of awesome colors and shapes, like the ever-popular heart and diamond design!

Plus many, many more. If you request my catalogue, you'll also see versions including a skull and crossbones, butterflies, angels, dolphins and more! And for an additional nominal fee, you can request customized decals with sassy sayings. Like "Don't go there!" "Princess" or, I don't know, "Check out my vagina!" with an arrow pointing to your vagina. For a 'classic' look, simply apply to outer labia. For a more 'VIP room at night' look, stick them anywhere you dare!

You don't want to be the last of your friends showing off a plain vagina this season. Get all varieties! (Plus, they make great stocking-stuffers.)

And ladies, if anybody tells you that showing your vagina to a camera is pathetic and disgusting, remember, they're just jealous. Of your vagina.