Today is the day to try to do a charity function.

Minutes of Yesterday's Important Zulkey-to-Zulkey Phone Call

or

What My Dad Calls Me At Work to Tell Me, When My Mom Stops Taking His Phone Calls

1-"I've been drinking a cup of tea in the middle of the afternoon lately."

2-"Last night was the first time I didn't go to the bathroom in the middle of the night for the first time in 20 years. It might be this juice I'm drinking from the Amazon. It gives you all the vitamins of it from the world. I learned about it from [White Sox announcer Ken] Hawk [Harrelson]."

3-He also had a phone conversation about said juice with White Sox closing pitcher Dustin Hermanson. After ordering said Amazon juice, which Hermansen schills for, the pitcher called my dad personally to convince him to order some more. On a side note, apparently the team will not renew his option for next year.

After I expressed concern over the veracity of this statement and the wisdom of spending a lot of money on juice, the teleconference was adjourned.