Today is the day to move out of that storage unit.
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I don't know what to make of the term 'fratire' but it is sometimes used to describe the writing of today's interviewee. He is the author of several such books, including I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and, coming early next year, Assholes Finish First--as he points out, he only participated in this interview as a favor to my agent, so why don't you return his generosity by pre-ordering the book?
The Tucker Max Interview: Just Under Twenty Questions
What will Assholes Finish First bring us that's new from the world of Tucker Max?
The main bulk of the book will be stories very similar to I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. AFF will be all new though, nothing from the site or anything at all previously published. The formula isn't broken, and I don't plan on fucking it up. There will be two new things, both big, and both at the end. I'm not going to give anything away, but it's going to be awesome.
What are the odds that within 5-10 years we'll be reading a memoir about your issues with the reconciliation of your Tucker Max-ness and marriage/fatherhood?
None. What issues do I have to reconcile? I have definitely done some specific things I regret, but the last ten years have been mostly great. When I am ready for marriage and fatherhood, then I'll be ready.
Speaking of which, how do you see yourself aging? Do you plan on being the too-old guy at the bar or taking a different route?
I pretty much know exactly what I am going to do. I don't want to say I have every specific action laid out, but the general strategy was decided on years ago. You're just going to have to see what happens, like everyone else.
Based on what you've seen, do you think college life, socializing-wise, has changed a lot in the 10 years since you graduated, with a lot more emphasis on Facebook and Myspace and all that, or it's relatively the same?
I graduated college in 1998 (in three years), which was 9 years ago, but whatever, you're a reporter, no one expects you to get details and facts right. I don't think much has changed. I interact with a lot of college kids because of my site, and they are all still just as stupid as I was at their age.
Who are some of your favorite female writers?
I don't know. I don't want to sound like a pompous prick, but I don't divide writers into "female" or "male" I simply evaluate them as writers. I don't see why you would ask specifically female. What is the purpose of asking that, as opposed to asking who my favorite writers are?
What's the status of your sitcom project for Comedy Central?
In development. I am writing the pilot as we speak.
In your Wikipedia entry (the highest form of research), it's noted that the message boards on your site are "heavily moderated." Is that the case and why do you think that's worth a mention?
Yes, it is the case, we have no tolerance for idiots. And no, I don't think its important to mention, but it's Wikipedia. Anyone can edit it.
What's the downside of having so many male followers? Them thinking they know you off the bat? Trying to impress you with their own inferior stories?
Why do you assume I have so many male followers? All my demographic research has indicated that about 40% of my fans are women. And what is a "follower"? I know I have fans, but I am not even sure what the difference is between a follower and a fan.
City-wise, which do you like most and least for doing readings?
I have never done a book reading. Only book signings. I don't like readings. They are ridiculous. Like someone can't read my stuff on their own? I'd rather spend my time interacting with my fans, taking pictures, and signing books than reading to them like they are children.
How about for girls?
I like pretty much any city with hot girls who want to hook up. I REALLY love fake tits though, so Miami, Dallas and LA are nice--at least for those things.
Do you ever worry about running out of stories and what you'll do next? Fiction?
Nope, I don't worry about it. I doubt I'll ever write fiction. I really suck at it. I just end up cribbing my real life. I can't effectively make shit up--all the fiction I write sounds completely fake.
Obviously, you're a storyteller; when you're on the listening end, who are some of your favorite people to hear spin a good yarn?
Without regard to genre or medium, my favorite person is David Simon, the guy who created the The Wire. He is just so far beyond everything else on TV, its amazing. I also like what Shawn Ryan does with The Shield, it's kinda like the amped-up version of The Wire. I think one of the very best story tellers out there right now is JK Rowling. The sales speak for themselves, but a lot of people look down on her stuff as being juvenile or simplistic. Fuck them. They are wrong, her shit is awesome. I resisted reading the books for years, but as soon as I capitulated and picked up one, I read them all straight through. She can flat out tell a story.
Of the other guys out there who make a living on a personality type like yours (Howard Stern, for instance), whose work do you enjoy and who do you think is relatively talentless but just trying to get by on shock value?
I am having a hard time thinking of anyone who fits the description you laid out that I listen to or pay attention to. You'd have to ask me about specific people; while I respect Stern and others, I cannot think of anyone off hand that fits your question that I read or listen to.
Do you think that your writing can be a helpful guide on "what it means to be a man," as some of your readers have written, or do you prefer just to be known as one guy with a lot of good stories?
I don't know about "what it means to be a man," but I do know that it can be very useful for people who want to take the path less traveled. I get emails all day every day from people who tell me that my writing gave them the courage to do something they otherwise wouldn't do. They see me as being someone who conquered the standard path to success, and then threw it all away to follow my dreams. That message is very inspiring to a lot of people.
Women who claim to be "the female Tucker Max": hot or not?
Depends on the woman, but generally, everyone who claims to be another version of me is just lame. Be yourself.
If you pursued law as your career, what do you think you'd have chosen as your specialty?
Dead. I would have killed myself by now if I had to be a lawyer.
Who did you have winning the NCAA Tournament?
Being from Kentucky, I pick UK every year. Not a great pick this year, was it?
How does it feel to be the 178th person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
Considering I'd never heard of the site and did this as a favor to Byrd, I feel pretty indifferent.
