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Obama in Prime Form at Gridiron Club Roast

WASHINGTON -- Sen. Barack Obama belittled Republicans, lampooned Democrats and even mocked his own trajectory as a political star, but when he struck up the band a hidden talent was revealed for the first time.

The Democrat from Illinois can sing. And, as it turns out, he can do so on tune and with rhythm.

Obama made use of his recent dust-up over ethics reform with Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) with a precious parody of "If I Only Had a Brain" from "The Wizard of Oz," where the refrain was, "If I only had McCain," which featured a searing 25-minute tap-dancing solo by Obama in the middle of the song, while holding a single, pure note.

Sen. Obama also displayed a knack for joke-telling. " "Mr. Vice President, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one," Obama said. "But I do want to thank you. For years, we Democrats have succeeded in doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot.

"You've taught us a valuable lesson," Obama added. "Aim higher." This routine resulted in three hilarity-induced heart attacks endured by the Vice President, while the President fell out of his chair twice.

"Sen. Obama, I want to do a joke on you," Bush said. "But doing a joke on you is like doing a joke on the pope. Give me something to work with. Mispronounce something." The Senator winked at the President, causing Mr. Bush to swoon. Shortly thereafter, a wounded bird flew into the banquet room, which the Senator spoke softly to, soothed, and let fly out the window.

The Senator also made balloon animals and showed the audience how to execute a perfect triple lutz with a magnificent landing.

To wrap up his generous but well-timed three hour performance, Obama said, "And most of all, I want to thank you for all the generous advance coverage you've given me in anticipation of a successful career. When I actually do something, we'll let you know. Meanwhile, I'd like to be President right now, if you don't mind."

After the applause subsided, Obama, winner of a Grammy for his autobiography, offered an apology for his singing. "Needless to say," he declared, "my Grammy was in the spoken-word category." Copies of his latest book, a novella loosely based on the evening, will be available online today.

After the dinner, Obama retired to the White House where he began to assume the role of President by making love to Laura Bush in the Oval Office while much of the staff and guests at the dinner looked on and cheered.