Today is the day to sniff the wite-out.

It's no secret that in general, Americans don't like the French. We claim it's because they're snobby, they're wimpy, they're unsupportive. It's easy for us to make fun of their accents and the Eiffel Tower, and so we do.

However, maybe we need to face facts. We don't hate the French for the reasons above. It's because we're jealous of them.

The French do most things better than us. Their food is tastier, their poodles are fancier, their architecture is older, their women are thinner, their children have cuter accents and they drink wine all the time. And, like any envious sibling, we can't handle this and so we hate on the French.

This week, things have gotten even worse. If there is one thing we thought we did pretty well here in the States, it was senseless violence. We can do it anywhere, even take it on vacation to other countries. But no, France had to go and show us up with better riots, this month, too.

I haven't seen prolonged riots in this country during my lifetime. The only ones I can recall that were of magnitude were after the Rodney King incident and after the Chicago Bulls won the World Championship. Those were exciting, with cars being turned over and set on fire and people looting and beating each other up. But they didn't last.

But the French? They kept it going for two weeks, putting us to shame.

And now, I'm reading that they're topping us in another category: government ineptitude. Today, after two weeks of riots, President Jacques Chirac for the first time admitted that there is a 'problem.' Damn you France! We thought we had this part all wrapped up after Hurricane Katrina, but you're making us look like we practically jumped in and prevented the hurricane from happening with sheer will.

We need to get on this, people. France is showing us up in some of our best areas. If we can't get going on the riot or presidential screwup front, at the very least, maybe Americans can get to making a better cheese.