Today is the day to tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree, just to tee off the guy that owns the oak tree.

What's something that you used to do all the time as a kid and suddenly stopped? You have still over a week to submit your little story of looking back, fondly or not.My Dad takes charge of my website and reminisces and you should do the same, so drop me an email with your paragraph.

So today is list day, right? That's what happens today? Or was that yesterday? I really can't remember. But a list feels right today. But what to write about? I suppose, if you're still reading this site since I've taken over, you'd be interested in knowing a little about me and what makes me more qualified to guest-edit Zulkey.com than you. So there's my list:

A Bit About Me and Why I'm More Qualified Than You Are To Guest-Edit This Site

My Name is Steve Delahoyde, which is a better name than yours, and not just because it probably has more syllables and nouns.

I am a large man of 6'2", weighing in at around two hundred pounds. Judging from the content that's usually on this site, you are most likely a very short woman who isn't very physically strong. That makes me better than you, simply because, in a fight, I could easily take you. And no, I'm not above sucker punching women. I do it all the time. You could call it a hobby.

My girlfriend is Claire Zulkey. Unless there's something I don't know going on behind my ever-watchful eyes, that makes me closer to her than you. Even if you think you're her super bestest closest friend, I've got slightly more capital because I know where she keeps her socks and I gave her a television when she moved into her new apartment.

I am world-travelled and highly educated. While neither of these are necessarily true in real life, given that I've never travelled all that much and I went to not one, but two, state schools, because I'm writing it in this list that claims validity, it is true here, in this context. Deal with it.

I have a long history of guest editing. Well, I guest edited once before. But I was good at it, and I wound up working at the place that I was guest editing for. So how's that? How many times have you been hired by a place you've guest edited for? The number I'm think of is zero. Zero times. Me: once. The margin is small, sure, but again, I win.

Whereas you probably have a busy life, filled with lots of things to get done and people all over the place to see, I don't have anything to do and have very few friends. On an emotional level, you are most certainly on a higher plane than I. But does that make you more qualified to guest edit? I don't think so. And I hope, in my disgusting way, that in realizing that, I've brought you, however slightly, down a bit from your cushy emotional cloud. That's just the kind of jerk I am.

So there, now you know a little be about me and you have your list of reasons why I'm here and why I'll stay for the rest of the week. Any problems with it, address them to Zulkey. But know that by the time she gets back, I'll be long gone, in Mexico, under a ridiculously clever alias, sipping drinks by the sea, attempting to learn whatever language it is they speak down there. Ha! Suckers!