Today is the day to pick food up off the floor and eat it.

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com still needs a question for her advice column this week. My mom is ready to help you on any topic so drop her a line. You might want to ask her exactly how much one needs to prepare for a fancy dinner party, or perhaps graduation gifts for people you don't know or even like. Send her a note.

Guest Diarist: Mary Ketarkus Brown

Dear Miss Manners,

I’m a virgin currently dating Tom Cruise. It’s not a rebound thing after dating Chris Klein for five years--really it isn’t. I mean, just because Chris and I were engaged in March 2005… Anyway.

My new boyfriend Tom’s doing, like, all these amazing things for me. Rose petals in my hotel room. Motorcycle rides on the beach. Scuba diving. It’s just fun, fun, fun all the time.
Understand, Grandma, that my dating Tom Cruise has nothing to do with publicity for both of our upcoming movies; I’m in “Batman 17” and he’s in “War of the Worlds.”

What do you think are the odds are of us making it, especially if we rush into marriage? I'm afraid to ask my Catholic daddy... that's why I wrote to you.

- Clueless in a Private Jet

P.S. Do you know if Mr. Cruise has any kids?
P.P.S.S. What’s Scientology?

Dear Katie Holmes,

Not only are sixteen years younger than Tom, you’re sixteen inches taller. Dating a guy sixteen years older than yourself is always a great idea, but in your case a particularly terrific one because you’re both famous and attractive.

Maybe you can star in a romantic comedy together! That would be so damn cute. How about “Roman Holiday?” or “Eyes Wide Shut: Part Deux?” Better yet, how about a reality show? —That would be so cutting-edge.
Go for it, Joey Potter. Don’t wait for your life to be over.

P.S. I wouldn’t invite Chris, Nicole, Mimi or Penelope your wedding.

P.P.S.S. Maybe Tom could adopt you.