Today is the day to do the electric slide.

Today, since I didn't have time to procure an interview for you, I thought I'd share with you an interview with me. Last weekend, my New York friend Liz revealed to me a part of her life that previously, I could only imagine: the Jersey Shore. You may not know this but Chicago is situated on a Great Lake, thus negating any reason to get stuck in traffic in order to get to the beach. So I wanted to see what the hubbub on the East Coast was all about, where people go when they flee Manhattan (I'm going to assume that the Jersey Shore is just like Fire Island and the Hamptons). After a little sunburn and some late night pizza, she wanted my reaction to the shore on the record:

The Shore Thing

So you spent last weekend at the infamous Jersey Shore (Manasquan, to be specific). Did it live up to your expectations? What were your expectations?
Since I only stay in the finest of hotels, I was surprised by the relative coziness of the houses. When you first said it was a two-bedroom shack, I think I accidentally heard "five-bedroom bungalow," but then I saw what you meant. On the other hand, people seemed a little bit more restained and mature than what I thought. There were toiletries in the bathroom and enough toilet paper to go around. I didn't see anyone throw up, I didn't hear any verbal harrasment . And I gotta say, I heard a lot less Springsteen and Bon Jovi than I thought I would. One big guy with a goatee kept dancing with me and twirling me around but I think there's always going to be that one guy who likes dancing too much.

Did this trip serve to reinforce or break your stereotype of New Jersey? What is the stereotypical Jersey guy/girl? (For the record, I am not from New Jersey, but I now live there and I love it).
We from the Midwest don't really have many stereotypes of East-Coasters: we're too busy growing corn to think about it much. I know that people from New Jersey are often the object of some derision (I once heard the joke from an Italian guy: Q: What's the difference between a Jersey Girl and the trash? A: The trash gets taken out once a week. Ooh!) I guess in terms of a Jersey Girl, I sort of have an image of like Julie Brown from "Earth Girls are Easy" but that takes place in California, doesn't it?

Based on this , did you hear anyone refer to the exit they live at? I hear people do it all the time, it's awesome.
I did not but I do not deny its awesomeness.

And when we filled up with gas, you were surprised when I told you that you cannot pump your own in NJ. In fact, you didn't even know it was called "full serve." You thought it was "non-self serve" or something nonsensical like that. But in hindsight, isn't it nice to have someone else pump your gas? And is gas more expensive in Chicago? I bet it is.
I don't know, actually, because I don't drive that much. I'm going to guess that it's approximately the same because I think cigarettes cost the same in New Jersey as in Chicago and so I'll guess the gas must cost the same, based on absolutely no reason. It is nice to have someone pump your gas, but what do you do while someone does that? You have to have reading material on hand. But it must be nice not to have to worry about which side the gas cap is on.

Assuming you didn't know there was a local shark attack would you go back in that 53 degree ocean again? Man, that was cold.
Remember how I told you I had a dream about a shark the night before? That's crazy. Anyway, I would not. Do you know what happens when you swim in 53 degree water? It hurts. And not just when you get bitten by a shark.

I know you love Lake Michigan, but it's the ocean more fun? Waves keep things interesting. What do all the surfers do in Chicago? Do people in the mid-west even know how to body surf?
Yes we know how to body surf, and it's for suckers. The ocean is certainly not more fun and I have explained why here. If there is a sufer silly enough to live in Chicago, then they are silly enough to surf on 3-foot waves. By the way, here is a picture of a beach on Lake Michigan. Looks sort of like the ocean, does it not? (Yes it does.)

To follow up on your question posed to my topless neighbors, why do guys in Manasquan walk around without shirts well past sundown?
Well their official answer was something along the lines of "because it's hot." But I think the real answer ran the gamut between "Because I spend 5 hours a day at the gym and it's not going to go for naught" to "Because it rules" to "I'm not going to shave my chest for nothing."

For the novice to the Jersey Shore, please explain flipcup and quarters.
These are two drinking games guaranteed to make you ill as a lot of germs are involved. Flipcup is for more competitive drinkers, while quarters is a little more laid back and more of a game of chance. I found the rules for flipcup and quarters online. If you win numerous times in both games, you get to make up rules which is a lot of fun unless your teammates bicker too much over what to inflict upon the other team.

What advice would you lend to someone like yourself who had never played these games prior to being on Brielle Road?
Don't let the pressure get to you. If somebody blows the fun out of the game by being too competitive, just shake your head at them sadly. Oh and for flip-cup, try using your middle finger instead of your index finger. Also, don't wear cute clothes as you play these games, they will just be splattered with who knows what.

Do you think the ratio of bedrooms in my house (2), to people who are in the house (13), is a fire hazard? If you were one of those cops who cruises around on a bike in Manasquan, would you give us a ticket? Even if we let you play flipcup?
I don't think it was a fire hazard because if there was a fire and I for some reason couldn't exit the room that I was sharing with two other people, I'm pretty sure if I tried hard enough I could just run through the wall. I wouldn't give you guys a ticket for being overcrowded but I will ticket you for taking open containers off your property. We need standards. Flipcup would do nothing to persuade me otherwise.

We were only able to listen to about two radio stations and they played an unusual amount of Guns and Roses for some reason. But overall, did you also hear a lot of Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi? What did you think of the musical selection at the Shore?
As I said above, not as much Boss and Bon Jovi as I expected. I really thought the music sucked, to be frank. We don't need angsty Creed-y type music at the beach. I'd rather even listen to Jimmy Buffet, which I have gone on the record as not liking. As for the music we listened to at the Osprey, I was definitely digging the hip hop in the Guido room more than the No Doubt wannabes on stage in the Non-Guido-room, but you know, after a few $4.50 cans of Bud Light, it all sounds all right.

By the way, I still don't feel like I got to see as many Guidos as I would have liked but that might be for next time.

On Sunday, we had a civilized lunch at the Parker House and you seemed to think your parents would like it there. But they probably won't like Leggetts or the Osprey. How are Sea Girt/Spring Lake and Manasquan different?
Well, one is a lovely place lined with large airy beach houses, very neighborhoody. The latter has no grass, just pebbles, which is littered with garbage, mice and games of Beer Pong as far as the eye can see.

If you were to take the torch from me and be in charge of getting a house next summer, where would you rather spend your summer?
I was taught (by you) that you can walk to the beach at the 'squan, but you have to drive down at Sea Girt/Spring Lake. So, umm...of course I'd rather spend it with you at the 'squan but if I were take my parents down to the Jersey Shore, they might like Sea Girl a bit more. I did drink in both cities though and it was just as fun in each place.

So if somehow you could drive to Manasquan every weekend from Chicago, say it was less than 2 hours away, would you do it? Could you go back there every weekend?
No.

And finally, how does it feel to be the 126th person to be interviewed on your website? Does this count since you are the interviewee?
I feel hoarse, nauseous, tired, sunburned and dizzy but it was totally worth it in the end. And no it doesn't count but good try.