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An Apology to the Large-ish Man Sitting in Front of Me at the Baseball Game Last Week

Dear Sir,

I still feel bad about what happened and want to clarify.

We were sitting on the first base line at Dog Day at US Cellular Field last Sunday. It was a nice, warm day and even though the White Sox lost, we were all enjoying the parade of dogs and all things dog and baseball related. I was wearing a pink shirt and green and white hat. You were wearing suspenders and have long hair and a beard.

Since the weather is warming up, I was speaking to a female friend of mine regarding the topic of the upcoming Jimmy Buffet concert at Wrigley Field, and how, since I live nearby Wrigley Field, I might be able to hear that concert for free. I also expressed my distaste, however, for Jimmy Buffet. It was at that point that I also somewhat mocked the typical Jimmy Buffet fan, saying in I guess what you could call a hippie-type voice, "Hey man, don't hassle me, I'm on vacation, man." Something like that.

However, you overheard me, even though we were sitting several rows behind you. Actually, probably because we were sitting several rows behind you, you misheard me and apparently mistook my comments as disparaging remarks upon your physique.

You turned to me and said "I know, I know, I'd make a better door than a window."

"What?" I said.'

"I'm a big guy, I know," you said.

"No, wait," I said, but you had turned around.

I started laughing with my friend about the strangeness of the situation and you turned around again.

"I was talking about Jimmy Buffet," I said.

"What?" you asked.

"Jimmy Buffet? And I was making fun of his fans?"

"You're going to have to wait a while for him to come to town," you said, and turned around again.

So I don't know what you heard, but I was not making fun of you, although you did spoil my later discussion of "fat bearded guys" like Michael Moore and Kevin Smith because I realized you could again think I for some reason have it in for "fat bearded guys."

Anyway, if I ever make fun of somebody's appearance, it is strictly based on the way they are dressed, not their physique. And I already said you were wearing suspenders. Claire Zulkey does not hate on people's bodies. Just their outfits.

So, again, I'm sorry if you thought I was saying mean things about your body. However, if you were mad because you thought I was making fun of Jimmy Buffet fans, then I'm not sorry.

It's a long season ahead so I just thought I'd make amends.

Go Sox!

Best,

Claire