Today is the day to take a lot of drugs.

Hey check it out. You must come.

Today I turn the tables on another interviewer, so we'll see how he handles himself when the spotlight is on him. The editor of the The Onion AV Club, he conducts and oversees the interviews, reviews and features that we all love so much. He's also very tall and his dirty secret is that "Keith" is not actually is first name. If you want to find out the truth, you'll have to ask him, though. He is a legend in his own right. Oh, and any bad language in this interview is from the mouth of A.J. Benza, not Keith or me.

The "Keith" Phipps Interview: A Little Under Twenty Questions

Who have been some of the best interviewees youíve interacted with?
Laura Dern poured me a glass of water when I interviewed her. Itís rare that you get that kind of hospitality from interview subjects. I found out hours later that she was pregnant, which left me even more impressed. I really enjoyed talking to Conan OíBrien because he seemed interested in making sure it was a good interview. It sounds weird, but thatís rare. The thing I like best is when people go off auto-pilot. The type of people we interview are rarely the kind that are always on message, repeating the same responses they always give in interviews whether it relates to the question you ask or not. Occasionally we book one of those by accident and I donít know if readers can tell right away but itís always obvious to the interviewer.

Who have been the worst, can you say?
We've never had anyone try to kick us in the face or anything. Of course, most of our interviews take place over the phone, which probably helps. If I had a great, ìOh manÖ that guyís a total dickhole storyî Iíd probably share it. I had a really awkward interview with Warren Zevon onceÖ [Pause to pour some out for the dead.] But it wasnít like he was nasty or anything. It never ran only because there just wasnít enough meat to it, which was probably my fault. Sometimes when you interview comedians they seem almost obligated not to be funny. Which is disappointing. Dave Chapelleís a funny, funny manÖ on television.

Iíve heard of a few people who have publicly decried the Onion AV Club because you guys were less than sycophantic towards them. Can you dish, girlfriend?
I believe I am legally restricted from ìdishingî as you call it. But here goes anyway: The stupidest thing thatís ever happened involved Kevin Smith. This was around the time Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back came out and I was scheduled to interview him by driving out to a comic book convention on a Sunday. I try hard not to work on the Lordís day of rest but, whatever. Anyway, I get a call on Sunday morning saying his schedule has shifted and the interview is now part of a roundtable with other journalists. This is something we have a policy of not doing. Because we do Q&A interviews, we simply donít get the material we need for our features in a roundtable. Thereís no flow. You canít build a rapport. Itís no good for us. We donít do roundtables whether youíre Kevin Smith, Kevin Bacon, or Kevin Reynolds. So I pass. The movie comes out. Our review runsówritten by Scott Tobias and not by meóand itís a pan. I find out later that Kevin Smith has ìexplainedî this negative review on his website by saying itís revenge for him not doing the interview with us. Nowóand this is keyóIíve interviewed Kevin Smith before and it was quite pleasant. I always liked the Kevin Smith personality thatís driven his films even when I didnít like the films themselves. He seems to have stayed humble and approachable and maintained a good sense of humor about himself. So maybe he was just having a bad day. Maybe someone slipped some drugs in his coffee that induced raging egomania and psychotic breaks with reality for a little bit. Or maybe everyone else in the press would pan a movie because an interview didnít work out. I donít know.

For the record, I do think Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back is pretty lousy. But I liked Jersey Girl. In fact, Iím on record liking Jersey Girl. It played to his greatest strengths as a writer and director, all of which involve dialogue and characterization and not knee-to-the-nutsack gags. Unfortunately, nobody else seemed to like it so it looks like weíre going to be seeing Jay And Silent Bob Go Koo Koo Banana Nuts from now on.

Also, if you give a bad review to that ìFameÖ ainít it a bitch guy?,î as our Noel Murray did, heíll pester you with obscene e-mails. Like this:

"It's been a long while since he edited my memoirs, "Fame: Aint it a Bitch," but can someone get across the message to your faggy reviewer Noel Murray that he is a clueless cocksucker and has NO idea what it takes to make it to the top of the journalism chain. I love this: AV Club # the onion. Everyone in the AV Club in high school was either mongoloid or an asshole. Fuck yourself, Noel. Or write me back, you effiminate man-hating motherfucker."

And then months later, seemingly having forgotten he wrote the first one, heíll send something like this:

"I dont know when Noel Murray wrote a review of my memoirs "Fame, Aint it a Bitch," but I just want to tell him that he writes like a screaming, weak, flaming pussy. Let this motherfuck know tapping keys for an on-line site as opposed to being a daily columnist for the NY Daily News runs a tad harder than his line of work. And also, make sure this cocksucker knows that I have forgotten more about writing than he will ever know. Murray is a fuckin' player hater and he has no fuckin right or authority to suggest I treat women badly. I dont. I love them. All my ex girlfriends still keep in touch with me. Does all Murray's femmy boyfriends still call to fuck him? Have this asshole call me. He wont...but Imm at [redacted]. Die."

What have been some of the biggest cinematic letdowns in your life, i.e. films you were so excited to have come out and then they sucked?
Ah, the old Phantom Menace syndrome. Let me thinkÖ I spent one summer thinking, ìIt doesnít matter how bad these summer movies are. Tim Burtonís Planet Of The Apes is coming out at the end of that and that will rock.î It did not rock. I had a sense of disappointment leaving Gangs Of New York that I never expected. But it passed and I made my peace with it.

Would you say itís a little over the top to describe you as a one-man IT phenomena or is that pretty accurate?
Oh hell yeah. And I totally scored with Joanna Lumley after that picture was taken. [Note to readers: Thatís not me. And I have never scored with Joanna Lumley.]

You studied medieval history in college: do you think that influences your work at all now?
Actually, it was medieval literature. And itís still a really strong influence. Iím going to steal a train of thought from a beloved professor of mine regarding Chaucer to explain it. Reading Chaucer, itís hard not to be overwhelmed by the sense that though the circumstances of human existence change profoundly, humanity doesnít. We always want the same things and we always make the same mistakes and stumble into the same profundities in the course of finding them. ìThe Pardonerís Taleî is The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre is ENRON. Those who grab for earthly wealth at the expense of others are damned one way or another (even if they donít always get caught.)

Also, medieval literature isnít hung up on Romantic notions of absolute originality and the artist as a genius who creates something out of nothing because he/she is a step above the rest of humanity. I think thatís ultimately a fairly pernicious idea. Thereís a lot more honesty about repeating stories with slight variations in medieval lit because thatís just what everyone does. Itís the telling that matters, whatís emphasized, whatís left out, whatís added. Itís great training to be a film critic, really. There are only so many stories to tell in the end.

If you could have gotten a job that was related to medieval studies, what would you have done?
I got far enough in post-grad work to recognize my miniscule capacity for other languages extended into Old English, which is a problem if you want to be a medieval playa. I think Latin would have killed me. So I never really narrowed it down. People talk about 15th century English literature as a great dead zone of little interest to anyone. With little empirical evidence beyond Thomas Mallory and Robert Henryson (technically Scots literature, that last one), my guess is that theyíre wrong. I probably would have pursued that, been proven wrong myself, published nothing, and ended up teaching comp at some community college in Arizona. Probably best, in the long run, that I quit when I did. Otherwise, I might have focused on Joyce and early 20th century literature, which was (and is) still a great interest. Iím sure it would have gotten me to the same Arizona community college, but itís a different route. Have you been starstruck by many of the folks youíve interviewed for the AV Club?
You get over that pretty quickly. It was weird talking to Tom Waits. I got star struck when Nathan Rabin and I saw Brian Wilson at a Dennyís. Actually, the last moment that left me really starstruck had to do with a Madison, Wisconsin DJ named Rockiní John. He has this Saturday night show where he plays stuff like old Dave Clark 5 B-sides and talks in aÖ distinctive voice. I overheard him at a Madison record store, recognized the voice, and gushed about how much I loved his show. I love Rockiní John.

What graphic novels are you into now?
Oh, letís not mince words: I collect comic books. And I find that while my taste in everything else has stayed pretty refined, my taste in comic books just keeps getting less demanding. I love the stuff that wins Pulitzers and gets New Yorker reviews but I spend a scary amount of free time putting funny books into plastic bags.

I shouldnít apologize: I checked out of comics for much of the ë90s but when I checked back in somehow the writing had gotten really strong. Iím reading just about anything Geoff Johns (Teen Titans, The Flash) puts out. Same with the oft-namechecked-on-the-O.C. Brian Michael Bendis (Ultimate Spider-man, Powers). I could go on for way too long about this, about how characters like Batman and Spider-man are as good a reflection of the changing times as any cultural artifact (and a lot more fun to read than old issues of Life)Ö about the sad craziness of Jerry Siegelís Superman stories in the Mort Weisinger eraÖ about the cracked poignancy of Jack Kirby in the early ë70s when he seems to have decided that hippies are our future and then turned apocalypticÖ about the genius of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League of the late ë80s. The monkey jumped on my back again when D.C. started sending me boxes of free comics. Now I canít shake it. Do you think with movies like Sin City, more people will be checking out graphic novels or is it just a cinematic development?
I think it will mean a temporary spike in Sin City sales and little else, sadly. I think the biggest mistake comic book companies ever made was pulling out of convenience stores and supermarkets and depending on speciality shops, although I understand that the financial aspects made that unavoidable and that trade collections sell well in bookstores. Comics used to be a part of the fabric of everyday life. Now theyíre this secret that only nerds like me know about. Except for manga. Kids love it. Go figure.

What guilty favorites do you have Tivoíd right now?
Actually, Iíll stand behind everything my wife and I have put on the season pass. We have excellent taste. But my TiVo knows my guilty secrets and that I never miss The Beverly Hillbillies when it decides to tape it for me.

Based on what youíve observed with other shows, do you think Arrested Development is going to stick around?
Man, I hope so.

Have you suffered deleterious effects by having your birthday right after Christmas? Or does that not bother you?
I have no complaints.

Who are you still hoping to interview?
Bob Newhart eludes us. Also, weíve almost interviewed Trey Parker and Matt Stone only to have it fall through at the last minute for the last eight years. Iím a big fan, so if youíre reading this, Trey Parker and Matt Stone (or Bob Newhart), drop me a line.

The AV Club guys are friends outside of work as well. Does that ever make for complicated work environment, or is it mostly more fun?
Mostly I wouldnít have it any other way. We celebrated Nathanís birthday last night. Iím the best man in Scottís wedding. Tasha Robinson once drunkenly confessed about killing a man at the age of 14. [Note: This part is not true.] It can be kind of weird, however. Iím not sure most editors are often in the position to say things like, ìWe need to talk about the ballooning word count of our book reviewsÖ and does everyone still want to hang out next Saturday?î

Please tell my readers about your parentsí dog and what happened to his eyes.
See, everyone else seems to find this funnier than me. My parentsí dog has no eyes. They were removed because the retinas detached and somehow they started swelling and looking as if they would pop out of his head. He gets around pretty well, but itís weird having a Boston Terrier cock his head quizzically and look at you and to know that he canít see you. Now Iím sad.

How does it feel to be the 123rd person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
Like itís prom night, my dateís the quarterback, Iím wearing the prettiest dress, and ohmigodÖ theyíre playing ìSilent Lucidityî and itís time for a slow dance!

 

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