Today is the day to see what's inside a golf ball.

So, Martha Stewart is out of jail, and what do we all think? She looks amazing!  At her first work meeting after being released, the Associated Press described her as looking "svelte." Meanwhile, Stewart apparently enjoyed prison, saying that it afforded her the "the tremendous privilege" of meeting a cross-section of diverse people and she had "learned a great deal about our country."

You know what this means. The rich people are going to be taking prison away from us.  

First, it was the sanatoriums. Around the turn of the twentieth century, people suffering from tuberculosis were sent away to little sickie farms to get better, but mostly to stay away from everyone else. Then the rich people started coming and they turned from sanatoriums to 'spas'.

Then it was rehab. Once upon a time, it wasn't a nice thing to be addicted to drugs or alcohol. It was, in fact, often thought of as a horrible secret, until Betty Ford admitted her ugly truth and opened up her Center, so people could get over their addictions.  

Now, though, there are rehab centers that are nicer than most hotels, where certain unnamed celebrities can go get washed out and enjoy the quiet tinkling of waterfalls, some fresh-squeezed juice and nice beds. Oh, and weight loss camps didn't used to be so nice, either, but now people will pay thousands to go hiking around in the mountains and not eat. 

This is why most of America right now is stressed out, fat, and self-medicating: because the rich and famous have forced us out of our fat camps, rehabs and little retreats. But we always had prison, the one place we could go when the real world got a little too real.

Well. Not. Any. More.  Now that word has gotten out, thanks to Miss Everyday Living, how awesome prison can be, everyone will be going. Instead of trying to cover up their crimes, people like OJ Simpson and Michael Jackson are going to beg their agents to get them into prisons, so they can spiff up their image and claim to 'learn about life,' not at least to get a body makeover and maybe get a little love on the side.  

Now, truly, there will be no room in America's prisons, and we will just be forced to live among the sick, the fat, the criminal, the drunk, because celebrities have taken it all away from us. Thanks a lot, celebrities.  Hope you enjoy prison.  Just don't take away coach class from us, okay?