Today is the day to make someone queue you up movies on their Netflix account.

I don't have an interview of my own per se, but I do present an interview conducted by one of Zulkey.com's best and most reliable contributors. AJ Daulerio is an editor at the Black Table and brings us a second installment of his fascination-driven interviews with writer Bob Sassone, who has a new novel as well as a new blog. In fact, you could say that they are one and the same.

Why a blog? That's so 2002, Sassone. I mean, if the novel is done, why not just print it up, cobble together a table of contents, and throw it in a box again like last time?
Because I try my damndest not to be a masochist. Those books were really hard to put together.

I don't know, I happen to think a blog novel is a pretty neat idea. Put the chapters up every Tues and Thurs, get people coming back to the site. It just makes more sense (and it's more fun) than just putting the whole thing online all at once.

How is this actually a "novel"? This makes no sense. You're telling me that anybody with a semi-cohesive plot can get a Blogger account, post fake letters to celebrities on it and then consider themselves a novelist? Explain, bitch.
Hey, you just discovered the secret of a writing career. It's so easy. Anyone can do it! Yeeeeeee-hah!

And why Martha Stewart? Why not satirize somebody more current? Like O.J. Simpson or Jimmy Swaggart.
O.J. and Swaggart are current? Wow. The other day, as I was listening to my C + C Music Factory cassingle, putting mousse in my hair, rushing around so I could get to the opening of "Forrest Gump" and still make it home in time for the premiere of this new show "Friends", I was wondering who I should write this novel about. I almost picked somebody hip and current, like Alan Thicke, but finally chose Martha.

Be honest: Is this thing done? Or are you just blogging?
It's completely done. I actually sent it to an agent, who wasn't interested. I would have kept shopping it around, but there was a time factor involved. It takes a year to get a book out the traditional way, and by that time Martha would have been out of jail and no one would be interested in it. The web is
instantaneous and wide-reaching, and I wanted to capitalize on the publicity of her being in jail and getting out in March. I might think about printing it up as a book once the blog is done.

In order to get into the mindset for this, ahem, "novel" did you ever dress up in a Martha Stewart costume?
I don't own any orange jumpsuits.

Do you think that because you had something published in Esquire that you have the ability to score chicks while wearing a Martha Stewart costume?
No, it's the stuff I've had published in The Black Table that gets me the chicks.

Martha Stewart makes a wicked meatloaf. What is your favorite Meatloaf song? And have you ever dropped a deuce that resembled a famous celebrity?
The same one as everyone else: "Paradise By The Dashboard Light," because that's the only Meatloaf song I really know. Side note: did you know that the woman who sang that song with him played the first defense attorney on "Night Court?"

Dropping a deuce: is that a poker term? Poker is so
hot now.

Alright, back to writing. How are you supporting your writing right now?
The same as I always have: pimping and organic farming.

Right now I'm writing and editing and doing research full time. But ask me the same thing 3 months from now. I might be working double shifts at TGI Fridays.

What's been the most frustrating portion of this interview so far?
You haven't asked me even one question about my Barbie
doll collection.

Where did you think of the name Sam Jellico? Is that somebody you know?
Nope. I don't know any Jellicos. A friend of mine has a girl named Samantha, but it didn't come from that.

I did find some cool anagrams for Sam Jellico: "Cameo Jills", which sounds like a Bond girl. "Mosaic Jell", which has a nice ring to it. And how about some "Simca Jello"? Mmmmmmmm. Oh, and "I Scam Jello."

What was the last great Valentine's Day present you received?
I have never received a great Valentine's Day present. In fact, I have received only a few my whole life: once in the late 80s, and a couple of times when I was a kid in school and we were forced to make those sad little cards that we gave to other kids in the class.

What do you think you'll do for your 40th birthday?
You mean after crying? There will be alcohol involved.

What's the best compliment you've ever received about your writing?
Whenever people send me an e-mail and ask for writing advice. I find that flattering, though people are under the illusion that I'm the one they should ask for writing advice. I would look at my writing career and then do the opposite.

Who do you think is the most overexposed
celebrity?
It would be easy to say Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan or Ben Affleck. But I'm going to have to go off the board and say Bea Arthur. I mean, everyday I hear Bea Arthur this and Bea Arthur that. They should just give her her own section at Gawker, for heavens sake.

Do you think you'll start blogging about them as a follow-up? And why don't you call your blog "Blog Sassone". That's catchy.
Blog Sassone. That's one of those phrases that doesn't sound like a real phrase anymore if you say it several times. Blog Sassone. Blog Sassone. Blog Sassone. Besides, if I got blogsassone.com, people would just think it was "Blogs Ass One," which sounds vaguely pornographic.

A Bea Arthur blog. I would SO read that every single
day.

How does it feel to be not only the 8,345th person
to be interviewed on Zulkey. com, but also only the
second repeat interviewee of my storied career as
interview extraordinairre.
It tells me two things: no one wants to talk to you more than once, and that there are over 8000 people more interesting than I am.