The Zulkey.com Exclusive Interview With You-Know-Who, Who Unfortunately Won't Go on the Record

So, let's get right down to brass tacks. You have a lot of critics.
Yes, and you know what? They can all go straight to hell. Everybody can: I'm going to stop pretending for once and be real for once: I don't give a crap about any of my enemies or supporters. They all need to get a life.

So it's true that you assualted that woman?
Yes, and I'd do it again. Stupid old bitch, getting in my way.

What about the allegations of perjury?
I'll be honest with you: I don't even know what that means, and I'm not just saying that because my lawyer told me to say that. My lawyer is gay, by the way. I just wanted to make sure that his law firm knows that their GAY lawyer tried to raise his fees on me.

Now I'm going to ask you a blunt question-
Yes, I did shoot that guy. Okay? I'm just sick of pretending that I didn't. Not that I feel bad about it, but I just don't care enough anymore to pretend that I didn't. I'm glad I did it. I'd do it again. Stupid old bastard, getting in my way.

Well, um...I guess I don't have any more questions.
Good, see you in hell. Wait, did you say this was going to be published?